Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscars 2009

As an indication of how focused I've been on my schoolwork, I totally forgot that tonight is the Oscars. So a-predictin' I will go (*=prediction):

Best Motion Picture of the Year
  1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): Ceán Chaffin, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall
  2. Frost/Nixon (2008): Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, Eric Fellner
  3. Milk (2008/I): Bruce Cohen, Dan Jinks
  4. The Reader (2008): Anthony Minghella, Sydney Pollack, Donna Gigliotti, Redmond Morris
  5. * Slumdog Millionaire (2008): Christian Colson
This is a very weak year for best pictures; yugh. Considering the disaster of the world economy, and because it's rags-to-riches with an ethnic twist, I suspect it will be Slumdog.

Best Actor
  1. Richard Jenkins for The Visitor (2007/I)
  2. Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon (2008)
  3. Sean Penn for Milk (2008/I)
  4. Brad Pitt for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)
  5. * Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler (2008)
Hollywood types are suckers for comebacks; Rourke.

Best Actress
  1. *Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married (2008)
  2. Angelina Jolie for Changeling (2008)
  3. Melissa Leo for Frozen River (2008)
  4. Meryl Streep for Doubt (2008/I)
  5. Kate Winslet for The Reader (2008)
The pattern over the past few years is to reward pretty ingenues who take serious, challenging roles with Best Actress (cf. Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron) so I think this is Hathaway's.

Best Supporting Actor
  1. Josh Brolin for Milk (2008/I)
  2. Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder (2008)
  3. Philip Seymour Hoffman for Doubt (2008/I)
  4. * Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight (2008)
  5. Michael Shannon for Revolutionary Road (2008)
The supporting categories are generally rough. Considering how "Dark Knight" was snubbed for the main Oscars (as well it should have, it sucked) I can see Ledger getting the award, especially because he died for the role (if the psychics are to be believed). If he hadn't died, then I'd say that Brolin would have a clear shot (since he has been turning in great work over the past few years); or Downey, following the Rourke/comeback-kid rule above. Hoffman is still the best actor of the bunch, so him losing this will fulfill the Kaufmann Rule.

Best Supporting Actress
I'm really in the dark here. I can't see Tomei getting it twice; and I think that Davis and Henson were awarded by being nominated. Adams fits the rewarding-the-ingenue rule of Best Actress except that she's such a big enough star to get that push. Usually, when in doubt, I'd go with whoever one SAG except, and this is funny, Winslet won best supporting for SAG for a role that is considered full actress for the Academy. Har de har har. Well, then I'll go with my original thought: Cruz. I think she's been doing great work and the other candidates may have split voting.

Best Director
  1. *Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
  2. Stephen Daldry for The Reader (2008)
  3. David Fincher for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)
  4. Ron Howard for Frost/Nixon (2008)
  5. Gus Van Sant for Milk (2008/I)
Two good rules of thumb for Best Director is that the Best Picture usually carries with it Best Director (only if it's a strong contendor, there's been some upsets), and like with acting, the Director's Guild Award can also be an indicator. In both cases, this year, Boyle (for Slumdog) looks most likely. He also has some edgy, critically acclaimed films in his past (Trainspotting), so that can help.

Best Original Screenplay
  1. Frozen River (2008): Courtney Hunt
  2. Happy-Go-Lucky (2008): Mike Leigh
  3. In Bruges (2008): Martin McDonagh
  4. Milk (2008/I): Dustin Lance Black
  5. *WALL·E (2008): Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter, Jim Reardon
I hope Wall-E gets it. It was marvellous. If it doesn't then I suppose Milk.

Best Adapted Screenplay
  1. *The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): Eric Roth, Robin Swicord
  2. Doubt (2008/I): John Patrick Shanley
  3. Frost/Nixon (2008): Peter Morgan
  4. The Reader (2008): David Hare
  5. Slumdog Millionaire (2008): Simon Beaufoy
Were "Slumdog" super-duper strong, I'd say it would win this too; but it doesn't seem so overwhelming a favorite. My suspicion, is that Benjamin Button, considering it's overall nominee total, will win a whole mess of the art awards (Cinematography, Editing, etc - with the sci-fi stuff going to Dark Knight).

Princeton Mascot

As befits my obsessive personality, I've been going through the infant costume site and downloading every cute picture of a baby in a costume. As such, I discovered this wonderful pic of a baby in a Tigger outfit that I believe should be the mascot of the Princeton Tigers.

At least that's how I will use it.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Best Restaurant in Boston

Is the Brandeis kosher cafeteria. I found this out a few months ago when, to celebrate something or another, I took the nuclear family to Reuben's for dinner. The total bill ranged around 50-60 bucks and we still went home hungry. The kids, both under 5, have chaotic appetites: they don't know what they want to eat when we need to order the food, they change their minds midway in the meal, and they don't eat much even after it's served.

The Brandeis kosher kitchen is an all-you-can-eat buffet that costs, for dinner, $13 a person. And, out of generosity, they don't even charge my kids! On dairy nights the kids get to eat a lot of small dishes, whatever they want, allowing them to change their minds in the middle, and there's no cost for their mutated minds. The food is good, cheap, and plentiful.

We now have a minhag of going every Tuesday night (which works for my class schedule as well; it counts as my ride home).

The biggest problem: I can longer actually eat 'all I can eat.' When I was 18-22, 'all you can eat' was a challenge, now my appetite has shrunk, my waist is a danger zone, and I feel guilty if I don't get my 13 bucks worth of food. However, since a simple sandwich at any of the local Boston restaurants costs as much as the buffet at Brandeis, my guilt is largely assuaged.

Purim Ahoy: Infant Costumes

Way too expensive for my horizons, but oh so very very cute.

Here's the whole infant page.

Parenting & Road Runner

As a parent of boys, I try to plan ahead for what I can use to provide positive and negative reinforcement. We let them watch TV during the day - exclusively PBS Kids (the shows are truly educational, there are no commercials, and other networks - I'm looking at you Nick Jr. - have frenetic and often stupid shows) but when they get ready for bed, we let them watch a little more TV. This allows us to get them in PJs and brush their teeth while using the TV as inducement/punishment. Inducement because they're tired and glazed when ogling the tube, and punishment in that we pause/stop the DVD when they don't cooperate.

So what to let them watch? I decided to start with Road Runner. This was a risky move, because early cartoons are pretty violent. But (a) there are no words, good for their age, (b) the violence is actually not as bad as I remember (we have only the 'toons from the 50s-60s), and (c) since the violence is focused on the coyote, and he's clearly the antagonist, there's a morality to what happens. This is in contrast to Sylvester and Tweetie, which I never liked as a kid: these have words (often bad ones for kids, with insults and mean language), and much more gruesome violence. I was right to not like them as a child, who knew?

Pic from here of an actual Road Runner. Backpost finished 2009-12-06.

Song of the Day: Dog Police

A favorite from my youth (and my always persistant novelty song obsession). It's especially gratifying when pundit-doyens like Andrew Sullivan don't get it. Hee.

(ruff ruff ruff ruff)
Dog Police! where are you coming from
Dog Police! nobody knows who you are
(ruff ruff ruff ruff)

Jumped in my car last Saturday night
Had a blind date she was out of sight
She was a chick from the canine scene
Her hair was blue, her teeth were green

Drove down to the Lone Star Bar
Scratched her flea as I parked the car
As the place was full of punks and minks
Got a little table and a couple of drinks

Went to the bathroom and combed my hair
Left my baby at the table there
Looked in the mirror and I wiped my nose
And when I came back, what do you suppose?

The boys in blue had my baby on the floor
They were asking her if she wanted some more
They pulled out a net, they pulled out a leash
They said they were the...

(ruff ruff ruff ruff)
Dog Police! (Bow Wow)where are you coming from
Dog Police! nobody knows who you are
(ruff ruff ruff ruff)
Dog Police! (Bow Wow)where are you coming from
Dog Police! nobody knows who you are
(ruff ruff ruff ruff)

I guess I should have noticed that box of filled bones
She sniffed the cups in my stereo phone
She barked so much she was on fire
She wented outside and whizzed on my tire

Havin’ those puppies was a little insane
But boy she loved that gravy train
Next time you’re out with a real strange beast
Make sure she’s not wanted by the....

(ruff ruff ruff ruff)
Dog Police! (Bow Wow)where are you coming from
Dog Police! nobody knows who you are
(ruff ruff ruff ruff)
Dog Police! (Bow Wow)where are you coming from
Dog Police! nobody knows who you are
(ruff ruff ruff ruff)

Random commentary here.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Video of the Day: C for Cookie

I saw V for Vendetta. Liked it a bunch. Then I found this video (which is only truly funny if you've seen the original, but what the hey):

Backpost finished on 2009-11-25.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Happy 200th Abe!

Happy 200th Birthday to hizzoner Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln is not only an honorary Jew, more specifically he's an honorary rabbi (being a tzaddik and one of the chasidei umot olam qualifies you for smicha)

So Happy Birthday Hanasi Hagaon Rav Avraham ben Rav Teomim.*

(Name notes: Abraham = Avraham, that's pretty simple. His father was Thomas Lincoln, and according to the Wiki, Thomas is a Greek form of the Aramaic word for twin which is often transliterated 'Teomim' - which is also a well-known Rabbinic name (e.g. the Pri Megadim was Yosef ben Meir Teomim.)

(Pic is self-made, Abe's head pasted on another great Abe: Rav Kook).

Anita Hill at Brandeis

I had no idea that *the* Anita Hill is a professor at Brandeis. Her title is "Professor of Social Policy, Law, and Women's Studies" at the Heller School of Social Policy. I found out that the person with that name was the The was from a lecture I attended this afternoon about gender in end of life issues. The keynote speaker, Susan M. Wolf (U. of Minn.), was a law school classmate of Hill so Hill gave the introduction.



I mentioned this cool fact to two of my colleagues (who are 10-12 years younger than I) and they did not know who she was. Besides making me feel real old, I think I should explain why she's so significant (to me and to others): Hill is, to me, the Rosa Parks of practical gender civil rights in the workplace. Through an act of courageous, and humiliating, self-sacrifice Hill confronted her tormentor and this action changed the public consciousness of sexual harassment which, in turn, shaped the way that the majority treats the (historically disempowered) minority. Just as the Civil Rights movement helped all minorities, not just African-Americans, so too Hill helped all those harassed by their insensate bosses.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tu B'Shvat Update

My attitude about Tu B'Shvat is shared by my eldest son, as the following story illustrates. Monday was Tu B'Shvat and on Tuesday, as my wife dropped my kids off at their shul-school my eldest son saw the big sign that announced the holiday. He then sighed an audible sigh and said "Enough with Tu B'Shvat! I want Train Day!"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Crank Juice

Ah, sweet caffeine. This morning, in an attempt to vary my wakefulness options, I purchased an Caribou Coffee Espresso Iced Coffee Plus from the campus store. As far as I can tell, the company is owned by Coca-cola, so I am ideologically on the same page. What I would like, though, from all my consumable caffeinated friends, is for there to be a clear statement on the label of just how much joy-juice there is per ounce/gallon.

I mean, does this itty can - which costs more than a 20 oz. brew - have the same level of caffeine or not? If I want to be as cranked as a Harley, I need to know these things.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Jewish Demography Joke

I'm taking a class in the methodology of quantitative sociology with a specific focus on the American Jewish commnuity. Today's class was about the "Jewish family" and family size, pregnancies, etc. This reminded me of one of my favorite modern Orthodox Jewish humor pieces, from the mischievous clowns of Bang-It-Out:
Teenage Pregnancies on Rise in the Frum Community

Picture Updates

As I've mentioned before, I'm going through the back-blog and improving the style, text, and most importantly I'm adding pictures to almost every post. I think it makes the posts easier, and more fun, to read.

An example of a new picture (one that I created myself using images stolen off the interwebs and the simplistic Microsoft picture editor) is for this post about David Lee Roth and Hatzoloh.

Israeli Elections Tomorrow

Ye Gads. I have not been following things too closely except to realize that:
  1. All three major parties (Labor, Likud, Kedima) have terrible leadership that would be bad for Israel. Bibi (whom, I confess, I have met, schmoozed with, and used to like) is a liar and a fraud; Barak is incompetent (as the 2000 Camp David accords showed and his subsequent botching of the second Intafada); and Livni is feckless and weak).
  2. Note, before looking at the polls, I must emphasize that Israelis generally are underpolled or just outright lie to pollsters. The margin of error is laughable; but it's all we have
  3. That there's been a "shift to the right" in the Israeli electorate is a bit of an understatement... according to Rosner's polls the far-right wing party "Yisrael Beiteinu" is set to be the third largest party!
  4. And combining the total right wing (not counting the pure religious parties) of Likud, Yisrael Beiteinu, National Union, and The Jewish Home = 51! That's 10 short of a majority. Add Shas' 10 (which can be purchased outright if history teaches us anything) and that's the hardest right government in Israel since Bar Kokhba.
  5. The right wing picture above still doesn't take into account Kadima which is a center-right party, which means that (projected) 74 of 120 seats are for the right wing.
  6. Even though it's now *center*-left, Labor leads the bill, but it's projected to have fewer seats than the ultra-right Israel Beiteinu. Gadzooks.
  7. The total left wing? For this list I'm including the Arab parties: Labor + Meretz + Hadash + Ra'am-Ta'al + Balad = 30. Get that? Thirty freakin' left wing seats! This is a seriously wacky year.
  8. Total Religious: Shas + United Torah Judaism = 16
  9. The most fascinating rise/trend is, of course, with Yisrael Beiteinu but it should be put into context of the larger Israeli political landscape. Until the 1990s, the majority of the country has been liberal Ashkenaz/European. Israel was unique (or at least rare - I need to check the Scandinavians) in that the majority party, the ones with all the history and power, were not 'conservative'. In most places, the people who have founded the country and who consequently control the military, industry, and money are politically conservative. Not in Israel. The majority (for lack of better term, I'll use the synechdoche of "Labor") was racist, discriminatory, and didn't listen to the minority (which were the ethnics and religious), but they were also socialist/liberals. The 'right wing' thus were defined by what's usually a minor indicator of conservatism: nationalism, and the left wing kept all the power and dough.
  10. The 1990s brought in a new influx of immigrants but also the rise of power of the ethnics and nationalists due to the fallout from the end of the Cold War (which includes the Oslo Debacle). As a result, the ethnic parties of Shas (Sefardi) and Yisrael Beiteinu (Russian) are predictable. But it's the most fascinating part of Israeli politics. Connect it also to how the sefardim fall into a party that is ethnic plus ultra-orthodox while the Russians have an ethnic plus ultra-nationalist. There's a lesson within that.
  11. What can be learned? Well, based on polls it's likelier to be Netanyahu over Livni and even though fans of euphony would like Barak to be the parallel to Barack, it doesn't look like it will happen.
Full Rosner Poll Numbers [wing & description] (sub-party components):

Tu B'Shvat Today!

And... who cares?

Well, we did get to zap long tachanun, so that was nice.

But the way that a tax-date, relevant only for determining tithe volume, has become a post-modern holiday of freakish Kaba-Babblism, Zionist posturing, and/or queer eco-fruitiness is a bit frustrating to we religious pluralists. Hug a tree on your own time, hippies! Leave my municipal tax deadlines alone!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

UFO Thoughts

People ask why UFO sightings always seem to occur in America's heartland. A few thoughts:
  1. Other places see them too, see map (from here)

  2. In the old days, people called weird/scary phenomena them dragons, in modern societies they're updated technologically to UFOs. Same thing.

  3. The areas of UFO sightings are often near military bases where the experimental aircraft that most people call UFOs launch from.

  4. The rural areas have overhead electrical towers - as opposed to dense urban areas - which also lead to people thinking there's UFOs (basically the wires reflect a car's headlights and it appears to be a rapidly ascending-descending light that keeps pace with your average hillbilly pickup, yet disappears as soon as you stop to investigate).

  5. Urban areas have more to do than stare into space while tweaking on axle-grease moonshine.
More anon.

Backpost finished on 2009-11-30. Basically I had the whole post but the map.

Bush Behind Bars?

One can dream...

{Pic from crooks and liars}

Groundhog bites hand of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg

Found on Haaretz, but from the AP:
Everyone knows it means six more weeks of winter when a groundhog sees his shadow. But what does the future hold if he bites the mayor's hand?

According to German superstition, if a hibernating animal casts a shadow on Feb. 2 - the Christian holiday of Candlemas - winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow was seen, legend said spring would come early.

Staten Island's famous groundhog, Charles G. Hogg, inexplicably bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg during his annual holiday ceremony on Monday, drawing blood from the billionaire.

Said Bloomberg spokesman Stu Loeser: "It nicked his hand."

He was told there was no risk of rabies. The 2-year-old animal was born and raised in captivity and has had no interaction with other animals.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Superbowl Commercials: The Best Ones

I have two candidates:

  • While I hate to admit it, because I think it tastes like dreck, this wonderful slapstick commercial by Diet Pepsi may be my favorite in that I'd like to see it again and again:

  • Coke Zero's wonderful nostalgic commercial - perfect for Steeler fans, but really for anyone alive and watching TV in 1980 (see below for the original that this is parodying):

  • 1980 Mean Joe Green Original:
  • Superbowl: The Winning Touchdown

    [Video Fixed]

    It's hard to explain how nerve-racking this moment was. Just look at the clock: 43 seconds left... Steelers are down by 3 against the team with the best offense in football. No timeouts. It's now or never; it's now or the Steelers lose to a pack of very talented underdogs with a sad-sack to riches Quarterback. But the Steelers are the blue-collar nobility of America; a team of racial equality and meritocracy. The tension is enormous.

    Big Ben Roethlisberger gets the snap, fades back, he's surrounded by Cardinal defensive-men, he peers out of the pocket and bullets the ball to the end zone where WR Santonio Holmes reaches over the heads of 3 Cardinals, standing on his tiptoes he manages to snag the ball, hold on, and keep his feet in the end-zone while falling and getting tackled by three men. Touchdown.

    It wasn't over after the TD; the Steelers needed to shut down the cruel Cardinal offense and in another heart-stopping moment they managed to sack the QB in the last seconds of play, winning the game.

    Many articles have been saying that it was the most exciting Superbowl in history. I believe them.

    Superbowl 43: World Record Touchdown

    [Video fixed]

    This was the most incredible moment of yesterday's Superbowl (which, as I said below, I missed live because I was being a good husband-father).

    James Harrison's 100 yard interception touchdown run. It's a record that can't be beaten, only tied:

    Superbowl 40 Highlights

    I still have a soft spot for Superbowl 40 - the Steelers win over the Seahawks. As I've written before, my oldest son became addicted to that game when he was 2 years old. I had taped only the second half (which was just as well as the first half stunk) and by mistake we played the game for him while intending to show Thomas or some other kiddie fare. He got addicted to the game and started calling himself Hines Ward while jumping all over the living room couches, hollering about a 'gadget play' (see below).

    A highlight reel of Superbowl 40 MVP Hines Ward (from many different games). The insanely wonderful and wonderfully insane "gadget play" is at 1:16.

    Music credit: AC/DC who, despite being Australian, seem to be made for American football.

    Sunday, February 01, 2009


    I had multiple heart-attacks during this game, which was one of the most exciting I've seen. Ever.

    We (yes we) are the Superbowl champs; 6 wins, baby. All we need is for 'Frisco to get to the Superbowl, and lose, for the Steelers to be the very best (ya see, 49ers are undefeated in 'bowls, but have fewer wins).

    My brother, my wife and I watched the last quarter together (there was a lot of shuffling from place-to-place before that because of kids and such) and it was thrilling. We called my parents after the game and I thanked my father for getting me hooked on the Steelers back in the 70s. It's nice to be - legitimately, through thick and thin - a fan of such a storied history.

    True story: I missed the 100 yard interception touchdown because I was with my wife putting my kids to bed...

    Update:John Cole, of Balloon-Juice, a rabid Stillers fan, echoes my feelings to a T. The Cardinals were a tough, good team. And this was a stressful game... but when you win it, it turns the triumph into something that much sweeter (much like life).

    The Watchman Movie

    So, the Watchman movie is finally going to come out (in March). I am not happy about this - the Watchman is probably the finest example of the comic book medium. By that I mean that the book tells a rich, deep, intelligent, and important story in a manner that is not only best done by a comic book, but that could only be appreciated as a comic book.

    Those who've read the book will know what I mean. The visual accuracy of the book, where a precise visual on an early page will be echoed on a later page - and the echo is intentional and must be understood in that way. This precision cannot be done with picture-less text and will be almost impossible to do as a movie.

    The only way to accomplish what needs to be done with the Watchman would be an HBO Wire/Sopranos multi-episode no-commercial non-stop week-by-week way. And even then, it'd be folly.

    Oh well, like with Batman - a character I love and identify with - the pooch-screwing the Watchman (and my man Rorschach) will get in the movies can be remedied in the same way: just deny their existence.

    Oh, Those Wacky Catholics

    Bishop Richard Williamson, one of the fun loving Bishops de-excommunicated by Pope "ex-Hitler Youth" Benedict, in his own words denying the Holocaust:

    This video came via Christopher Buckley's blog (which I found via Sullivan, as is often the case). And, if you don't mind reading harrowing impressions of a visit to Auschwitz (something I generally avoid), here's Buckley's (Irish ex-Catholic) memoir of his visit in 2001.

    Heathcliff Watch: Gambling

    It's been a while since I did a Heathcliff Watch; in fact enough time has passed that I presume I need to re-introduce the feature. There are a few of them but this intro comes from the first (excerpted):
    Those who lump all long-running animal comics in a pile (e.g. Garfield, Marmaduke) think that Heathcliff is just another wacky personification with zany antics. Except that Heathcliff is almost R rated. The cat has a bookie, a parole officer, and a convict father; he drinks and gambles, and if ethnic stereotypes persist, he hangs out with mobsters. Great stuff, yep, but for kids? [snip] Anyway, whenever a daily Heathcliff strip demonstrates these illegal and/or immoral activities in front of our nations youth and illiterates, I will let you know. (Also, if anyone has evidence of Marmaduke shooting craps, drop me a line).
    So in this comic (today's), we have Heathcliff showing how serious his relationship is to his girlfriend, he introduces her to his bookie. And I ask, what other comic strip gives the main character a bookie? Is that character a cat? And is that character considered a harmless children's role-model?!

    And I should reiterate, this is not a criticism of Heathcliff; I like this stuff.

    Anti-Semitic Vandalism in Portland

    I heard from the Brandeis JLI rabbi that: Portland Synagogue Has Swastika Painted On Sign. For some reason the news is not yet on JTA (and when I tried to email JTA to give them the story, there was no easily found address to send them news... odd). I know the rabbi of the shul, too.

    And the reason why I got the news from the JLI rabbi was that he led a Shabbaton of Brandeis students to that selfsame shul on the day the vandalism was committed. Gevalt.

    Song of the Day: Mr. Bass Man

    Mr. Bass Man, by Johnny Cymbal. This is a video of the Muppet version (which I may have heard before the original)

    Personal Story: I love this song and it turns out so do my two sons who over the past few days have become quite addicted to it. We have a family custom now where I play this song for them on the CD player in my bedroom and my two kids dance to it on top of my (wife and my) bed. The dance consists of them running in circles a few times and then jumping, feet raised, to land on their backsides. Then getting up and running again.

    And I do not exaggerate when I say they are addicted. My youngest broke into tears on Friday night when he was told he couldn't do "bays man!" because it was Shabbos. [Shabbos being hard on electronically raised children is another essay.]

    Johnny Cymbal

    (Bop-bop-bop singing by bass voice)

    Mr. Bass Man, you've got that certain somethin'
    Mr. Bass Man, you set that music thumpin'
    To you it's easy when you go 1-2-3, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
    (Bass voice: You mean b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)

    Mr. Bass Man, you're on all the songs
    B-did-did-a-boom-boom, B-dit-dit-a-boom-boom-bom
    Hey Mr. Bass Man, you're the hidden King of Rock 'n' Roll, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
    (Bass voice: No no, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)

    It don't mean a thing when the lead is singin'
    Or when he goes "Hi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yah"
    Hey Mr. Bass Man, I'm askin' just one thing:
    Will you teach me? Yeah, will you sing?
    'Cause Mr. Bass Man, I wanna be a bass man too, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
    (Bass voice: Try this, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)
    Hey Mr. Bass Man, I think I'm really with it
    B-did-did-a-boom-boom, a-boom-boom-b-dit-dit-dit-dit
    C'mon, Mr. Bass Man, now I'm a bass man too, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
    (Bass voice: That's it, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)

    (Scat bass duet between Johnny & bass voice)

    (repeat "It don't mean a thing", etc.)

    (scat duet, fading out)