Song of the Day: Don't Pay the Ferryman (1982)

The current song of the day is "Don't Pay the Ferryman" (1982) by Chris de Burgh. This song is great because it's part of a good 1970s rock tradition of gothic storytelling, along the lines of Hotel California.

The song is cheesy, but it does what good rock should do: get caught in your head, tell a good story, and allow you to scream out the lyrics in a culturally significant way.



Lyrics (from here):

It was late at night on the open road,
Speeding like a man on the run,
A lifetime spent preparing for the journey;

He is closer now and the search is on,
Reading from a map in the mind,
Yes there's the ragged hill,
And there's the boat on the river. And when the rain came down,
He heard a wild dog howl,
There were voices in the night - "Don't do it!"
Voices out of sight - "Don't do it!
Too many men have failed before,
Whatever you do,

Don't pay the ferryman,
Don't even fix a price,
Don't pay the ferryman,
Until he gets you to the other side;

In the rolling mist, then he gets on board,
Now there'll be no turning back,
Beware that hooded old man at the rudder,
And then the lightning flashed, and the thunder roared,
And people calling out his name,
And dancing bones that jabbered and a-moaned
On the water. And then the ferryman said,
"There is trouble ahead,
So you must pay me now," - "Don't do it!"
"You must pay me now," - "Don't do it!"
And still that voice came from beyond,
"Whatever you do,

Don't pay the ferryman,
Don't even fix a price,
Don't pay the ferryman,
Until he gets you to the other side;

Don't pay - the ferryman!

While I know the song from listening to 'greatest hits of the 80s' albums, others know it because of a priceless scene from MST3K:

Song Hall of Fame: "Law of the Land" by The Temptations

As I've mentioned before, I'm a Temptations fan, and the following song is one of my favorites, not only because of the music, but because it's on a favorite topic: man-made rules of ethics and ettiquete. In Hebrew, the title would be "Derekh Eretz."


Basic lyrics were from here but the transcriber basically got at least one word wrong in every line (no kidding, e.g. the first line is "Some people will always have it made" but he had "Some people are always Heaven made"). Note, answers.com is even worse. There are still some hard-to-decipher parts (marked with ?), but I did my best. Here are my corrected lyrics:

Some people will always have it made
Some people will live in poverty for the rest of their days
Time marches on
Yesterday is better than tomorrow
Life is uncertain, let me hear you say, "Yeah"
Death is final, oh yes, it is
There'll be days of sunshine and laughter
But don't forget you gonna have to shed some tears, oh

CHORUS:
It's the law of the land, my brother, [oh]
Whether you like it or you'll understand, [ah hey hey]
It's the law of the land [hey hey, hey hey]
Laws made by Almighty Man

Live by the good book if you're able
You must lay your cards on top of the table
When you gamble, you either win or lose
In life's everybody's got to pay some dues, well

CHORUS:
It's the law of the land, [well well well]
Whether you'll like it or you'll understand, [you can't change it]
It's the law of the land, [ah how]
Laws made by almighty men, [oh hey]

[BRIDGE]

CHORUS (soprano)
Hey, it's the law, the law of the land
Whether you'll like it or you'll understand
It's the law, the law of the land
Laws made by almighty men

A teacher man can't be found
Until you find yourself, [think about it]
You might not like being who you are... but you'd better start likin' it
'Cause you sure can't be nobody else

In other words, I can't be you, [ain't no quit, yeah]
You can't be me, [well well]
That's how it feels (?), my sisters and brothers
And that's the way that the Good Lord meant to be, [hey ho]

CHORUS:
It's the law of the land, [well]
Whether you like them or you understand, [say say]
It's the law of the land, [hey yeah oh]
Laws made by almighty man [Look at here]

The tools(?) of a man's day is governed by a clock
For your own protection your doors you must lock
What goes around, comes around
And what goes up, [yeah], must come down, [aha]

CHORUS:
It's the law of the land, [well well well well]
Whether you like it or you'll understand
It's the law of the land, [well well well]
Laws made by almighty man, [aha]

It's the law of the land, [everybody else say]
Whether you like them or you understand

Video of the Day: Ich Pooh

I know I shouldn't like Rammstein, but there's a bunch of their stuff which is fun to listen to. Most of the neo-Nazi freaks who like them do so because they like anybody singing in basso-buffo German. Even when the lyrics are innocuous (see below) the freaks think it's about their crazy ideas. This is what happened with Louie Louie.

Sooo, anyway. Probably the best Rammstein song is "Ich Will" (English lyrics below) and some enterprising tech-savvy weirdo decided that the song would go best synched up to Winnie the Pooh and pals:



The lyrics (in English):

I want

I want you to trust me
I want you to believe me
I want to feel your eyes
I want to control every heartbeat

I want to hear your voices
I want to disturb the peace
I want you to see me well
I want you to understand me

I want your fantasy
I want your energy
I want to see your hands
I want to go down in applause

Do you see me?
Do you understand me?
Do you feel me?
Do you hear me?
Can you hear me?
(We hear you)
Can you see me?
(We see you)
Can you feel me?
(We feel you)
I don't understand you

I want

We want you to trust us
We want you to believe everything from us
We want to see your hands
We want to go down in applause - yeah

Can you hear me?
(We hear you)
Can you see me?
(We see you)
Can you feel me?
(We feel you)
I don't understand you

Can you hear us?
(We hear you)
Can you see us?
(We see you)
Can you feel us?
(We feel you)
We don't understand you

I want

See, isn't that fine?

Backpost started 8/15/08, moved up to present day because, who cares.

Song of the Day: Mr. Bass Man

Mr. Bass Man, by Johnny Cymbal. This is a video of the Muppet version (which I may have heard before the original)


Personal Story: I love this song and it turns out so do my two sons who over the past few days have become quite addicted to it. We have a family custom now where I play this song for them on the CD player in my bedroom and my two kids dance to it on top of my (wife and my) bed. The dance consists of them running in circles a few times and then jumping, feet raised, to land on their backsides. Then getting up and running again.

And I do not exaggerate when I say they are addicted. My youngest broke into tears on Friday night when he was told he couldn't do "bays man!" because it was Shabbos. [Shabbos being hard on electronically raised children is another essay.]

Lyrics:

MR. BASS MAN
Johnny Cymbal

(Bop-bop-bop singing by bass voice)

Mr. Bass Man, you've got that certain somethin'
Mr. Bass Man, you set that music thumpin'
To you it's easy when you go 1-2-3, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
(Bass voice: You mean b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)
Yeah!

Mr. Bass Man, you're on all the songs
B-did-did-a-boom-boom, B-dit-dit-a-boom-boom-bom
Hey Mr. Bass Man, you're the hidden King of Rock 'n' Roll, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
(Bass voice: No no, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)

It don't mean a thing when the lead is singin'
Or when he goes "Hi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yah"
Hey Mr. Bass Man, I'm askin' just one thing:
Will you teach me? Yeah, will you sing?
'Cause Mr. Bass Man, I wanna be a bass man too, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
(Bass voice: Try this, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)
Hey Mr. Bass Man, I think I'm really with it
B-did-did-a-boom-boom, a-boom-boom-b-dit-dit-dit-dit
C'mon, Mr. Bass Man, now I'm a bass man too, d-d-b-bop-a-bop
(Bass voice: That's it, b-b-BOP-p-p-bop bop bop...)

(Scat bass duet between Johnny & bass voice)

(repeat "It don't mean a thing", etc.)

(scat duet, fading out)

Video of the Day: Stay the Night

or Another version here (Youtube page).

This video had these effects for me at the time (I was 12):

1. I fell in love with the medium of music videos (which were new at the time)
2. I got hooked on the band "Chicago" (I have all their albums and a number of bootlegs)
3. I learned a lot about women (or so I thought at the time) - the main lesson was to stay away from spooky witchy women with pale skin, bright red lipstick, hoop earrings, and ambivalent feelings of pursuit (yes, she said "no", slapped our hero in the face, yet the conclusion of the affair puts it all into doubt; a much better version of the Blair Witch Project if you ask me)
   

Effects in retrospect:

1. I still think the look of women circa 1984 is the best (I guess it's a puberty thing, were I born in 1572, I'd probably think that powdered petticoats and 6-month B.O. was pretty)
2. The narrative is still great (not every video had a real story, this one is a cross between a comic book romance and the A-Team)
3. OK, so I don't know how the truck can leap in the daytime and land, moments later, at night... nor to explode at night while stationary (after leaping over a ramp). The best answer I have is the same answer for how the mystery women ends up driving the ambulance: spooky witchy woman physics!
4. Does anybody know who the actress is? What kind of car that is? I guess Mr. Google should know; or should I say Dr. Google, given his powers. Note, pseudo-scientist Dr. Nick Wikipedia, does not have much to add.
5. Nary a year ago, this video was not to be found online. I'm very glad to have found it.
   

Update, lyrics:

I don't want you to misunderstand me
I just wanna say what's on my mind.
No need to hit me with an attitude because I haven't got the time.
I want you to know one thing's for certain
I surely love your company.
And I won't take "no" if that's your answer
at least that's my philosophy.

REFRAIN:
Stay the night
there's room enough here for two.
Stay the night
I'd like to spend it with you.
Stay the night
why don't we call it a day?
No one can stop us
nothing is in the way.

Have some friendly conversation
and if you still don't have a clue.
Unless there's something else you've got in mind
We've got better things to do.

REFRAIN

Just to have you near me
here by my side
Just to have you near me
And when I get next to your body

Just to have you near me
I wanna tell you something
make it perfectly clear
We're gonna have a very good time.

REFRAIN

I only wanna say: Stay the night
there's room enough here for two.

The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny

My new favorite song is "The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny" by Lemon Demon. To see why I believe that, check out it's mad music page - especially for the lyrics. And, to get the full effect, see the official flash video.

Ironically, I heard the song *before* I saw the webpage about Chuck Norris... and the song-writers incorporated the cult about Chuck (as well as Batman, Indiana Jones and other favorites).

One reason why I love the song is that it's based on a concept I wrote about a few years ago: a screenplay/comic book idea to pit one hero vs. another. It seems that every male between 20-40 has had the same idea.

Update: Lyrics:

Old Godzilla was hopping around
Tokyo City like a big playground
when suddenly Batman burst from the shade
and hit Godzilla with a Batgrenade
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
but didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu
when Aaron Carter came out of the blue

and he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal
then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
but before it could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
and took an AK47 out from under his hat
and blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat
but he ran out of bullets and he ran away
because Optimus Prime came to save the day

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
and then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
but Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
and Batman was injured, and trying to get steady
when Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
but suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip

then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
and he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
and Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
then he jumped in the air and did a somersault
while Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air
then they both got hit by a Care Bear stare, oooh

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...

Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
RoboCop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo-Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger,
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
all came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ***
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
with civilians looking on total awe

and the fight raged on for a century
many lives were claimed, but eventually
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
of Ultimate Destiny

Song Hall of Fame: "My Wife", The Who

The cognoscenti have long said that "Who's Next" is the Who's best album. I can't judge well, because I would only buy the albums the cognoscenti talked about, so I don't have what to compare. I'm hoping that the new music technology revolution (ringtones? subcutaneous CIA implants?) that destroyed records will go against CDs just enough to keep them both cheap yet in circulation... so I can buy enough to judge on my own.

In any case, "Who's Next" is very good and a song that had run through my head over and over was "My Wife." I hadn't bothered looking at the lyrics, but whatever I could make out made no sense. First of all, I thought it was "My Life" and the first line was "My life is in the Chesapeake" and after that I could only make out occasional phrases "machine gun" "aeroplane" "lead boots" - which go with each other but not with the Chesapeake.

Anyway, just now I decided to get the real lyrics. They're hilarious.

The first stanza:

My life's in jeopardy
Murdered in cold blood is what I'm gonna be
I ain't been home since Friday night
And now my wife is coming after me

Not that my wife is anything like this (nor I - there's something characteristically British about weekend-long booze benders).

Give me police protection
Gonna buy a gun so
I can look after number one
Give me a bodyguard
A back belt Judo expert with a machine gun

None of these funny words are enunciated well enough to make out. But now I can chuckle with the cognoscenti.

2009 Update: Some nice dude put up the song with corresponding lyrics on Youtube.

Song Hall of Fame: "The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen", Ren & Stimpy

Oddly enough, my obsession with Ren & Stimpy is only mentioned once before on the blog. While there is much to dislike about R&S, especially the glacial pacing and almost anything after the first year, there are episodes that are pristine in my eyes. The show is an odd litmus test, you had to have a special attraction to accurate portrayal of edgy, yet cartoonish, psychosis. I understand why people don't like it. But two episodes, Stimpy's Invention and Space Madness are pure art.

The show was known, as well, for their sick humor songs ("Happy Happy, Joy Joy" is the best known). Musically, and humor-ly, the easiest to access is the title of this post: The theme of the Kilted Yaksmen.

Unofficial Website here. Lyrics and trivia from here:

The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen Theme

Stimpy: Remember the royal anthem of the Kilted Yaksmen! (blows into a pitch pipe and begins singing as a lone piano plays in the background)

Our country reeks of trees,
Our yaks are really large,
And they smell like rotting beefcarcasses!
And we have to clean up after them,
And our saddle sores are the best,
We proudly wear women's clothing
and searing sand blows up our skirts!

(now an organ joins in as Ren begins singing)

Both: And the buzzards, they soar oooo-verhead
And poisonous snakes will devooooour us whole
And our bones will bleach in the sun!

Stimpy: That's it!

Both: And we will probably go to h(fart)ll
And that is our great reward
For being the uh-Rooooyal...
Canadian
Kilted
Yaksmen!

Stimpy: C'mon, everybody!

(now a big orchestra starts playing as various animals such as mudskippers, a whale, etc. start singing in bold, male voices)

Chorus: Our country reeks of trees,
Our yaks are really large,
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses!
And we have to clean up after them,
And our saddle sores are the best,
We proudly wear women's clothing
and searing sand blows up our skirts!
And the buzzards they soar oooo-verhead,
And poisonous snakes will devooooour us whole,
Our bones will bleach in the sun!
And we will probably go to h(fart)ll
And that is our great reward,
For being the uh-Rooooyal...
Canadian
Kilted
Yaksmeeeeeeeeeen!

Backpost finished 2009-12-14.