Late Purim Torah

I know this is making the rounds, and it's far after Purim, but this was a great video (h.t. my brother, BATman):

[Later Emendation]: You should really see the original (itself a self-parody) of what the Shtark Like Me guy is making fun of:


Now enjoy

Glorious Purimshpiel

I saw the most excellent film, Inglorious Basterds, earlier, but rather than wait for all my ideas to coalesce around it I just want to say, on this Purim day, that the movie works perfectly as a Purimshpiel. It's possibly the most gloriously violent (and sadly fictional) destruction of Amalek by Jews ever shown on film.

Pic from here of the awesome Bear Jew.

Gefilte Fish is a Funny Word

This is not a joke:

Jewish Demography Joke

I'm taking a class in the methodology of quantitative sociology with a specific focus on the American Jewish commnuity. Today's class was about the "Jewish family" and family size, pregnancies, etc. This reminded me of one of my favorite modern Orthodox Jewish humor pieces, from the mischievous clowns of Bang-It-Out:

Teenage Pregnancies on Rise in the Frum Community

More Kashrut Alerts

The first part is here, put together in time for Purim 5767. I was hoping to keep collecting them, but I was being disappointed by weeklong stretches of normal/rational kashrut alerts. But finally, my anonymous friends at Kashut.com give us this double-whammy:

The following health alert is from the editor on April 2, 2007: 2 cans of Lieber's macaroons that I purchased were moldy. Check this product before eating.

The following health and kashrus alert was from the NY state dept of food and agriculture/FDA on March 30, 2007: Healthy Corner Foods, 6005 16th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11204 is recalling certain Chicken and Turkey Salads; and Turkey, Turkey Salad and Chicken Salad Sandwiches due to undeclared milk ingredients.

And then a few more:

From the OU on April 20, 2007. Oscar Meyer Lunchables Maxed Out Deep Dish Pizza UPC #44700 63044, Kraft Foods- Northfield, IL: The graphics on the packaging of Oscar Meyer Lunchables Deep Dish Pizza, a product which is not certified kosher, portray a water bottle which is a component of the lunchbox. This water bottle bears the OU symbol. Consumers are advised not to accept Oscar Meyer Lunchables Deep Dish Pizza as kosher. The product packaging has been revised.

Then there's this from my friend and New Haven colleague:

From Rabbi Jason Rappaport on April 16, 2007. The following items from President's Choice brand (there may be others) have a Hashgacha which reads:
"Under the supervision of Rabbi Jason Rappaport, Rabbi of Oslo Norway" (and then in Hebrew) "tachat hashgachat Harav Yehoshua Eliezer Hacohen Rappaport": Peppered Smokey Trout Fillets, Honey Mustard Salmon Fillets, Atlantic Salmon Fillets.

Rabbi Jason Rappaport has left Norway nearly five years ago and have nothing to do with Kashrus there so there's no way these products can be supervised by me and states the following: "In fact I don't give any Hashgachas in my own name, so any product which has the label above should be treated with suspicion."

And here's where Kashrut and philosophy - in this case, Chocosophy - come together:

The following regulatory alert is from the Specialty Food News and Brandweek on April 12, 2007. A proposal submitted to the FDA by the Grocery Manufacturers Association, in collaboration with the Chocolate Manufacturers Association aims to change the standard for "pure chocolate" by allowing chocolate containing less expensive vegetable oils, which would require kosher supervision, rather than cocoa butter, and milk substitutes such as whey, only some of which are kosher, instead of milk. Guittard has set up a Website at dontmesswithourchocolate.com to drum up opposition to the proposal. The petition is in the public consultation stage, and interested parties can submit comments about the changes until April 25. Additional information can be found at http://dontmesswithourchocolate.guittard.com/howtohelp.asp. The official FDA website information is at www.fda.gov/ohrms/dockets/dockets/07p0085/07p-0085.htm and the official comment page is at FDA.

Pic from here. Backpost finished 2009-12-14.

Israeli ambassador found naked, drunk

This is not a Purim post; I am not making this up. The Jerusalem Post reports: :

"Two weeks ago, police in El Salvador discovered Tsuriel Raphael bound, naked, and drunk on a city street."

I'm not sure how much more embarrassing this could be for Israel. Oh wait, this is how:

"According to reports, the ambassador was wearing some accessories which hinted at sado-masochistic acts. Although drunk, Raphael managed to introduce himself to police as the Israeli ambassador to El Salvador. "

Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein

This is not a drill! As of Friday, according to the Washington Post:

Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein

What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

OK, the headline is better than the lede, but it's still a heckuva story. And some true-to-life Purim Torah. Have at it.

2007 Purim Torah: Funny Kosher Announcements

Funny Kosher Announcements

Compiled by JC, February 24, 2007, as a fun by-product of my rabbinic duties. Note: all these are from the website http://www.kashrut.com/Alerts and are 100% true. Honest!

I. You Can't Always Believe What You Read - Truth In Advertising

From the OK on November 1, 2006. "HEALTHY DAIRY TROPICAL FRUIT SMOOTHIE" was inadvertently labeled missing the "D" designation. This product is kosher, Dairy, cholov stam. There is only a one-month supply and future labels have been corrected.

From the OU on Oct. 31, 2006. Walden Farms Blue Cheese Dressing, Blue Cheese Dip, Ranch Dressing: These products have been reformulated and will now bear an OU pareve symbol.

From the CRC on February 16, 2006. Certain packages of Cheese Danish from Bagel Country, Skokie, IL, are dairy as indicated on the ingredient panel. However, the label mistakenly states that the product is pareve. The product is indeed cRc kosher/dairy, and is Cholov Yisroel, Pas Yisroel, and Yoshon. Future packages are being corrected.

From the Kof-K on February 24, 2006. Streit's Chunky Chicken Soup is certified as Kof-K Meat/Glatt. the word "pareve" was inadvertently printed on the label and was obliterated with black ink. Due to defective print, the word "pareve" may be visible on some cans. The product is Kof-K Meat/Glatt.

[And a twist]

From the OU on January 23, 2007. IGA Country Gravy Mix and Turkey Gravy Mix, IGA, Inc., Chicago IL: Product correctly bears an OU symbol and is certified as Kosher pareve. Ingredient panel incorrectly lists dairy ingredients.

II. Don't you wish?!

From the OU on August 29, 2006. Archer Farms (Target Corp.) Meat and Poultry Seasoning UPC #085239025932, Target Corp. Minneapolis, MN: This product, which bears the OU symbol, contains dairy ingredients as listed on the ingredient panel. The dairy designation was inadvertently omitted and the mislabeled product is being withdrawn from the marketplace.

From the OU on September 14, 2006. Archer Farms Steak Seasoning (UPC #085239025352), Target Corp. Minneapolis, MN: This product, which bears the OU symbol, contains dairy ingredients as listed on the ingredient panel. The dairy designation was inadvertently omitted and the product has been withdrawn from the marketplace. The Orthodox Union does not certify dairy products which are exclusively used with poultry or meat. This product will no longer bear the OU symbol.

From the COR of Greater Detroit on February 9, 2007: Carolina Broccoli with Cheese Rice Mix with Seasonings contains non-kosher cheese and chicken fat, but mistakenly had a Star-K symbol on the package. The manufacturer had attempted to cover up the Star-K, however, this has not been totally successful.

From the OU on February 21, 2007. America's Choice Sixteen Bean Soup Mix with Ham Seasoning UPC #75480753595: The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company-Montvale, NJ: This product bears an unauthorized OU symbol and is being withdrawn from the marketplace. Individuals spotting this product are requested to contact the Orthodox Union at 212-613-8148 or via email at kashalerts@ou.org.

And the finest error ever:

From the OU on February 21, 2007. Pocahontas Pork and Beans in Tomato Sauce- Food Service (#10 can), Progressive Group Alliance Inc.: This product mistakenly bears an unauthorized symbol. The product is being withdrawn from the marketplace. From the OU on Oct. 18, 2006.

Pic self-made. Backpost finished 2009-12-13.

One of my favorite Purim Torah articles

Teenage Pregnancies on Rise in the Frum Community

YU Purim Torah, Archived

Yeshiva University Observant (from 2002)

Commentator, 2000

Commentator, 1999

Commentator, 1998

Purim Torah Alert

The Simpsons Talmud - By Noah Gradofsky