Thursday, October 15, 2009

Lobbying Mashiach: Thank You Cards

When Mashiach finally arrives (any moment now, or so I believe with complete faith), he will convene a court in order to (1) determine who is a Jew/Cohen and from which tribe, (2) who owes exculpatory sacrifices, and (3) undo the crazy crazy chumras (this is my addition, but it's a logical extension of his salvation powers). There are many chumras that need undoing; one thing you learn in rabbi school is just how much of halakha is comprised of guesswork and fences to make up for everything we've forgotten and muddled as a result of the exile. Damn Romans. So mashiach will be there to tell us, finally and unequivocally, that we need to only wait a few minutes between meat and milk, that chicken isn't fleishix, that women can learn Torah, science is OK, and there's only one day of Yuntif.

Recently, I've begun imagining other, extra-halakhic, things that Mashiach is going to do when he convenes the court. So the first item that I will lobby for, when there's a lull in the chumra-smashing, is: eliminate thank you cards.

I'm not sure why, in 2009, we still require these. They are a paper-ink-snailmail contrivance in an era when most people use email exclusively (saving snailmail for items that have been purchased online) and almost nothing normal is done in real paper and ink. Case in point: newspapers. They're "dying" - but only their physical being. If the paper-ink version were to die, and the online version stays, only geezer troglodytes will notice or care.

I detest thank you notes. It is expensive to own the stationary, expensive in time spent writing by hand the stupid things, expensive to mail, and - here's the kicker - THEY ARE IMMEDIATELY THROWN AWAY. What is the effing point?!

I have a blanket rule for anyone who receives a gift from me: you are allowed to email or call me to say thanks. Seriously. You *do* have to say thank you - otherwise you're an ungrateful leech - but what is wrong with using email in the 21st Century? Show some respect for the earthly resources, and I'll show respect for your time and money. I'm sure mashiach, if he's what I think he'll be, would manifestly agree.

First pic from here, and you really should check out the link, hee hee. Second pic was homemade via this site.


ptjew said...

Several points.

I am using twitter now and added it to my blog.

My wife hates thank you notes too.

What is a chumrash? Probably figure it out from context.

The Ann Arbor News a long tradition is now gone. Well it resurfaced as and is printed on Thursday and Sunday only.

JC said...

1. Don't have twitter yet. Maybe when I get an i-phone (Chanukah's coming up!)

2. Your wife is a smart lady

3. "Chumras" is the plural of "chumra" which means "stringencies" i.e. added stringency in the law

4. Case in point: is the paper dead if it's online?