Sunday, October 11, 1998

Life in the Styx, vol. VI, no. 05 (FAQ) (Old Styx)

Yo Styx,

CONTENTS
  1. Holiday
  2. More Frequently Asked Questions
  3. Answers
HOLIDAY

I am still in [Maryland], where I have been for the past week.  I have had to cancel plans to make a secret raid on Boston for Simchas Torah due to infirmity and ennui.  I should be returning to New York from Maryland on Wednesday.

MORE FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

So far the response has been positive to the first F.A.Q. (which is available in updated form on my webpage), but I have not really received more questions.  So I felt I should add a few more.
  1. What do you think of the current situation with the impeachment trial against Clinton?
  2. Don't you think that Clinton is a sinner?
  3. Isn't Monicalewinskykennethstarrlindatrippbillclintongate just like Watergate?
  4. Who's the biggest leprous goat in the current scandal? Linda Tripp, right?
  5. Why do bad things happen to good people?
  6. What is the difference between Peshat & Derash?
  7. What do you think of the recent appointment of Ariel Sharon as foreign minister of Israel?
  8. Who do you predict for winning the Nobel Peace Prize?
  9. Who do you predict for the World Series?
  10. Who was the NL leader in strikeouts in 1967?
  11. Please explain the infield fly rule
  12.  Do you own a book by Len Charney called "How to build a Yurt?" If so, why?
ANSWERS

1.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CURRENT SITUATION WITH THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL AGAINST CLINTON?

I stopped being agitated about this when I concluded that it's all just a metaphor.  I.e., the president and his copious enemies have been fighting since 1991, and the current scandal is just an embodiment of that battle.  The accused crimes are meaningless -- they'd hang Clinton for whatever act they could create or find -- the details are purposefully spurious, in order to obfuscate the real plan.

2.  DON'T YOU THINK THAT CLINTON IS A SINNER?


Yes, he is a sinner [project Phil Hartman's imitation of a crying Jimmy Swaggart] and that has nothing to do with politics or power.  Anyone who thinks so is either being naïve or is fooling themselves about their true intentions.  Clinton is a mirror - if you started out agreeing with Clinton then his sex-cookie with Monica is negligible; if you started out hating Clinton, then his brazen lying under oath and subsequent cover-up is a perfect example of what you hated about him from the beginning.  As I said, the current situation is a metaphor.

Anyway, the Presidents main crime is being a president of the minority part in Congress.  The more vicious and ideological Congress is, the more viciously they bring about impeachment proceedings.  Case in point is the trial against Andrew Johnson which is not remembered for its crime but for the partisan fury of the Republican congress against a Democratic president.

3.  ISN'T MONICALEWINSKYKENNETHSTARRLINDATRIPPBILLCLINTONGATE JUST LIKE WATERGATE?

No.  the only similarity is that in both cases the Republican party is using illicit means to subvert democracy, in 1972 by (successfully) stealing an election and in 1998 by reversing the twice-practiced will of the people.

4. WHO'S THE BIGGEST LEPROUS GOAT IN THE CURRENT SCANDAL? LINDA TRIPP, RIGHT?

No.  She's pretty bad, because she falsely created a friendship and exploited a girl for her own neuroses-driven jihad.  But I think the worst is currently Henry Hyde.  That sanctimonious hypocrite has the gall to belittle the enormity of his sins -- the fact that he had a five year affair with a married mother of three while he had 4 kids of his own.  He broke up his paramour's marriage and then claims, now, that it was a youthful indiscretion and that the statute of limitations has expired on that crime.  The total dismissal of his own despicable behavior, while he stands arrogantly enshrouded on his grand tribunal, has been so far the most despicable act.

5. WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

Because Gd loves our prayers so much that He increases our suffering in order to increase our prayers.  Note, there are actually some people who believe that.  Recently I have discovered that most irrational, illogical & contradictory beliefs in Judaism can be traced to Kabbalah (and I'm sure that the above theodicy is no exception).  Kabbalah appears to be unburdened by what we moderns call 'consistency' and 'empiricism.'  The reason why one needs to be 40 to start learning Kabbalah is because it takes that long to know all of the symbols and meanings within its closed system -- if you only know a little bit o'kabbalah it can be dangerous because it makes no sense outside of itself.  For example, what color is Binah?  Why, Blue, of course.

People make the mistake of applying empirical proof and logical rigor to things created without those restrictions, like Midrash.  When people ask me what's the difference between peshat and derash, I answer, actually I should make this the next question...

6. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PESHAT & DERASH?

Most people think that Peshat means "the simple meaning."  I guess that makes "derash", the complex meaning.  But this is incorrect.  First of all, the accepted meaning of those two terms is by no means regular or regulated; different commentaries have different definitions of the two terms (just see Rashi vs. the Rashbam).  The field of literary criticism has shattered into critical street gangs (the Intentionalists, the Contextualists, the Latin Kings, the Bloods, the Expressivists, the Crips, and the Chicago School) all based on the difficulty of the exegetical enterprise.

Moreover, most people who read the Torah have no critical literary abilities.  Anyone who ran screaming from literature/English class should be immediately suspect when they try to explain Tanakh and meta-critical concepts like peshat/derash.

More moreover, anyone who has braved entering said literature class knows that the place is filled with derivative sluggards and sophistic charlatans who know just as little about text as the aforementioned screaming-refugees, but because of some innate larceny, they feel they can get away with abusing text.  It's one of the tragedies of academia that in order to indulge the minority of scholars who need a free-lunch in order to maximize their creative output, a system is created that allows parasitic abuse by loads of free-riders.

Anyway, when pushed to give an answer to the difference between the two interpretive techniques, I'd say that Derash is a possible understanding of the text and Peshat is necessary.  Sometimes the text is so ambiguous or mysterious that all one can do is apply the closest possible interpretation with the recognition that it may not be a necessary interpretation.  To be necessary, an interpretation needs to be provable from the words and consistent with the text as a whole.  Midrash is very often inconsistent with the greater text, subtext, context and supertext.

Since we have traditional understandings of certain events or people in the bible (e.g. the Matriarch Rachel was a good person) that we need to add things not directly found in the text.  That's fine, because that's necessary.

Another way to explain the difference is that Peshat is exegesis and Derash is isogesis.  "Exegesis" is the extraction of meaning from the words and "isogesis" is injection of meaning into the words.  Most homiletical sermons do not attempt to explain the text, they intend to transmit a teaching that uses the text as support.

To tie in with the Kabbalah issue - Midrashim are, by my definition, not consistent with the text, nor logic & experience.  They aren't meant to be.  When people try to apply logical rigor to these fundamentally illogical concepts they enter into Artscroll Thinking (note: the best example of Artscroll thinking is found in "Monty Python's Holy Grail" with the casuistic reasoning behind the identification of a witch.).  Possibly the common denominator is that both forms of thought are Medieval.

So, to come full circle, the above theodicy ("Gd loves our prayers so much that He increases our suffering in order to increase our prayers") is incomplete.  It should conclude, "and prayers are so important because they are blue."


7.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE RECENT APPOINTMENT OF ARIEL SHARON AS FOREIGN MINISTER OF ISRAEL?

Ride 'em cowboy!

8. WHO DO YOU PREDICT FOR WINNING THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE?

All the dudes for Northern Ireland (which may include Clinton!)

9. WHO DO YOU PREDICT FOR THE WORLD SERIES

Yankees 4-Padres 1

10. WHO WAS THE NL LEADER IN STRIKEOUTS IN 1967?

Who cares?  Ya see, you answer one baseball question and suddenly Sports fanatics unload on you all the built-up trivia nonsense.

11.  PLEASE EXPLAIN THE INFIELD FLY RULE

Augh!  Just forget it, dude!

12. DO YOU OWN A BOOK BY LEN CHARNEY CALLED "HOW TO BUILD A YURT?" IF SO, WHY?

Yes.  Wouldn't you?

Have a great Simchas Torah!
Styx :]

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