CONTENTS
- Webpage Upgrades
- Kidney Inspection
- F.A.Q. Questions
- Some Answers for the F.A.Q.
WEBPAGE UPGRADES
Even though I can't do very much in my invalid state (every year I am given the divine gift of a new allergic reaction; the bright side is that at least I know my immune system is working), I have been able to futz around with the webpage.
I have implemented many changes, including the start of an archive of the Life in the Styx and the John McPhee shrine. On the Styx page
KIDNEY INSPECTION
As I was inspecting all of my past year's wrong-doing (which was not pretty) alternating between sins I have committed to Gd (to quote Steve Martin "ew! a million six!") and those I've committed against my fellow, I realized that I needed to make some repairs when it comes to the Styx.
Specifically, I need to create an F.A.Q. (frequently asked questions) in order to answer the pesky questions about the idiosyncrasies of my policies. I started a long time ago to put a list of questions together but I never could get the energy to answer them. But, for your information, here are the questions that I have compiled. If you have any more, please let me know soon so I can answer them.
THE "FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS" QUESTIONS
1. WHY IS IT CALLED THE "STYX"?
The "Styx," the affectionate and cute nickname for "The Life in the Styx," is named after the river of hell mentioned in pagan Greek literature. I am not soft on pagans. They had good literature though. Note, there were other rivers of hell mentioned, like Lethe (river of forgetfulness), Acheron (river of woe), Cocytus (river of wailing), and Phlegethon (river of fire), but Styx has the advantages of also being a pun.
Originally, when I started this whole enterprise in Israel, the newsletter was called "The State of the State" (since it reported on the status of the State of Israel during its year of crisis, 1995-6). When I left Israel, I wanted to keep the newsletter going, but naturally couldn't continue using the nickname of the Holy Land (I am frum ya know). The "styx" of the title refers to both the "sticks" -- America is "hutz-l'aretz" and as such anything outside of Israel is isolated and diasporated. The "styx" of "hutz-l'aretz" (literally: 'outside the land') also refers to the unholy nature of anything outside of Israel.
But even leaving behind America vs. Israel, the "Styx" also refers to the purgatorial existence in this world. Since Tradition states that there are at least two worlds, Olam Hazeh (this world) and Olam Habah (the world to come), this world is at least the middle of the three worlds (Heaven, Hell, Us) or maybe even the worst of all. In any case, it's at least good enough to be the river of hell.
2. ARE YOU SOME KIND OF SICK PIG?
I prefer shwarma. But to answer the question which comes on the heels of the previous answer, I often employ dark and stygian imagery in what I write and create; it's the inevitable result of any indulgence in existential philosophy. Get used to it.
3. OK, I GET THE NAME, BUT WHAT *IS* THIS THING? HOW DID THIS WHOLE SICK THING GET STARTED?
The best answer for that question is the "FINAL STATE [of the State]: Part 1 - History" published Thursday, May 30, 1996 (sent off as I was about to evacuate from Har Etzion like the last chopper out of 'Nam). I have referenced it on the Styx homepage
But, in a nutshell: I started a newsletter when I was in Yeshivat Har Etzion in Israel because it was more time efficient to send group messages to my friends & relatives instead of writing each individually. As time grew more plentiful, the situation in Israel more intense and interesting, and as the writing bug consumed more and more of my soul, I expanded the nature of the Styx to be an instrument of reportage.
Since I am a pundit at heart, and would love to be one as a future profession, I have continued writing the Styx as a combination of the two initial purposes: (1) telling my friends what is going on in my life, and (2) being a forum to express my analysis of current events and important issues.
If I want to live off my writing I need to constantly improve and practice; the Styx provides a venue to keep writing, even when all of my other avenues for expression are choked.
4. WHEN DO YOU FIND THE TIME TO WRITE THIS? (a.k.a.: AREN'T YOU GOING TO BE A RABBI, WHY AREN'T YOU LEARNING OR SOMETHING?)
I make time. And, yes, I am planning to be a rabbi. And, yes, I usually am learning Torah and becoming a better Jew and better rabbi. But this ain't no sipping rabbi. I wouldn't have gone through 4 years, $100,000, and 50,000 miles of Princeton education to become a stam pulpit rabbi. I'd have gone to Yeshiva University, bought a 1979 Corvette with the extra money, and would probably have had better training for the pulpit (I'm not going to give a definitive answer to *that* question). Given that scenario I also would have made aliyah, put rock-screens on my 'vette, and then sauntered around the Territories wearing aviator sunglasses and packing a chrome .357 magnum in a hip holster.
There's more to that fantasy, but that's enough for now.
In any case, writing features heavily in my future. I need to keep in practice and improve my skills. I hope to rise up into even better forums than email, but while it's probably the best I can do while I spend most of my time learning Talmud & Codes.
5. WHAT'S WITH THE NICKNAMES?
When I started writing the Styx (in the State of the State days) I mainly used the UNIX based email program "pine" which had the nifty feature of providing nicknames. (I think I stole the idea from [name redacted]). Even though I now use a pop-mail program (Eudora), which doesn't have the same nifty features when it comes to sending grouplists, I have retained the nickname policy.
For people obsessed with semiotics and language (for more information, see my thesis; I am debating whether I should post that bad boy on the web; I fear what would happen if it breaks its chains and runs amok, preying on the weaker parts of the webspace, hell! AOL would be decimated in minutes; hmmm, maybe I should). Ahem, for a person obsessed with semiotics and language, the nicknames became one more method to exercise creativity and inflict humor.
A person's nickname has become a sign that they are really "on" the Styxlist although that gives the erroneous notion of a 'membership.' It's all in good fun. If a person doesn't like their nickname, all they need to do is ask for it to be changed. I will often change nicknames at will, based on my dictatorial whim.
5b. HOW DO YOU THINK 'EM UP?
It's not easy to think up a nickname. I'll usually try to get something that pegs a person's interests or general reputation. When I get stuck, I'll make fun of a person's name (preferably in a way that reflects on their nature). Sometimes a name will just hit me from the primordial muck of my mind. And sometimes I'll just choose something from Greek/Latin mythology (like "styx" eh?)
6. CAN I FORWARD THE STYX TO A BUNCH OF YAHOOS WHO HAVE NEVER MET YOU BEFORE AND THEREFORE WON'T GET ANY OF YOUR JOKES AND WRITE YOU IRATE LETTERS?
No. This has happened to me a number of times and while I find all of the irate letters funny it can be a bit scary to receive a letter from someone I don't know who is offended by statements that I made that he/she doesn't understand because they weren't supposed to read it in the first place.
Anyway, the thought that someone would respond to a message forwarded to them from someone else strikes me as foolish, petty, and kinda stupid. It's like writing a letter to a cartoon character ("Dear Garfield, I think you should see a psychiatrist").
My policy when it comes to forwarding the Styx is similar to my view about the PLO -- i.e. while I know it exists, I do not encourage its activity.
I ask all of you to exercise caution when forwarding. The Styx is written in a certain context and random third-party yahoos won't get the context and have absolutely no sympathy towards the grandstanding braggadocio that marks my rhetoric. The main reason why you receive the Styx is because I know you personally and in some way you care to hear about my life and my opinions.
7. I FIND THAT THE PERSONALITY THAT COMES THROUGH THE STYX REPELLENT, IS THAT THE REAL YOU?
For all intents and purposes, yes; the personality that comes through is mine. Although I usually have good music on in the background (I'm currently listing to Big Joe Turner's "Blues in the Night")
7b. AND IF IT IS, I HAVE A GREAT SET-UP FOR YOU.
A corollary to the "forward" policy I set forth in Answer #6 is about set-ups. Meaning that if you are on the Styxlist, and you think you have some wonderful person who you want me to meet for light consumer spending and possible matrimony, then first show the young lassie a copy of the Styx.
I'd wager that most of the blind set-ups I receive would've stridently refused a shiddukh with me had they read the Styx beforehand. This is a good thing. Any blind-date rendered unnecessary is a boon to all humankind.
8. ARE YOU NETANYAHU'S SECRET LOVE CHILD?
No. I would have voted for him in 1996 and would pluperfectly again in 2000. For a restatement of my views on Israel, see Deep Styx, vol. 01, no. 06 "Israel Issues" (Wed, 13 May 1998)
9. ARE YOU CLINTON'S SECRET LOVE CHILD?
Heck no. I voted for him in 1992 and 1996 and I stand by him in the current crisis (mainly because of the valid moral position of sticking with the bad over the worse). I'm not sure if Clinton *has* any love children.
10. ARE YOU *ANYONE'S* SECRET LOVE CHILD?
Not secret anyway.
11. ARE YOU SOME KIND OF ARROGANT PIG WHO THINKS YOU KNOW MORE THAN EVERYONE?!
No. I prefer shwarma. Anyway, I definitely don't think I know more than everyone. Knowledge is based partially on precision memory and my hard-drive has the unfortunate tendency to be slow on the uptake and low-res on the pixel count. I *do* think that I have a unique ability to observe, to analyze, and to reproduce these analyses into funny words. And that's the product you receive -- fresh from my brain into your grocer's freezer.
12. ARE YOU JOKING?
Often.
A word to the wise: There are usually internal ways to determine if I'm joking. A word to the unwary: If you think I may be joking, I probably am. A word to the clueless: I am always joking.
13. I WANT TO SIGN UP MY BESTEST FRIEND TO THE STYX/ WHAT IS YOUR SUBSCRIPTION POLICY?
The infamous subscription policy! This is one of the more important FAQs (I'd put it near the front but the order of the questions was determined 18 months ago when I wrote them up and even though I can't remember why they are in this order, I sense some kind of internal narrative pattern that demonstrates I must have had something in mind...)
The policy is this: there is only one way to get on the Styx, and that is to directly ask me. I do not sign anyone up via third parties. No one.
If you asked to be signed up but then didn't receive one (a tough thing to figure out, based on the metaphysics of absence, but it happens periodically) then it usually means that your subscription got lost in the gears. This is not, repeat, not a deliberate snub. It is a mistake. Just ask me again (best over email using the address that you prefer).
Getting off the Styx is even easier. Just ask. You'll be unsubscribed immediately. Without extreme prejudice too.
I reserve complete and total right to strike anyone from the Styxlist without warning and without cause. I also want the right to brand people with red hot pokers, but that was denied in appellate court.
14. WHOA, DUDE, I WAS REALLY OFFENDED WHEN YOU SAID -- HOW CAN I REST MY TROUBLED SOUL?
Let me know. I will try to quell your querulousness. Think before you write, often you will realize what troubles you isn't me but is some larger problem due to radon poisoning or a bad Snapple. Or mice.
15. WHY DO YOU GIVE MAZEL TOVS TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW?
I have lived in way too many places for just 26 years. Every place I go, I accumulate more friends. Email is a great way to keep in touch with people who are no longer in your immediate verbal jawing circle. Many of people from my past are on the list. If you don't know the person, that means you are from a different circle of [Styx].
15b. SHOULD I FEEL LIKE A SEQUESTERED BOOB FOR NOT KNOWING THE PERSON YOU JUST MAZEL TOV'D?
Nope. Feel happy.
16. YOU DIDN'T GIVE A MAZEL TOV ON MY ENGAGEMENT/ MARRIAGE/ CHILD'S BIRTH ETC.
That's probably because I didn't know about it. Let me know!! This goes for all of you out there -- if you know of some simcha that I haven't mentioned yet that you think I should **TELL ME** Despite the veneer of omniscience, I am not as well informed as I'd like to be.
17. WHY IS THE STYX SO EXCLUSIVE? ARE YOU ELITIST SCUM? MY FRIEND WANTS TO GET ON THE STYX BUT YOU WON'T LET HIM/HER
Much of this has been answered beforehand. But the exclusivity of the Styx is deliberate and designed for minimum headache of both the producer and consumer.
I have the same type of subscription rules as the O-U. The OU doesn't solicit companies to become kosher or be under the OU hashgaha. That's because a company that thinks they are there under the OU's request will not be willing to follow all the rules that the OU puts on them. The OU prefers to be able to dictate the terms of the relationship, and that only comes when the food company makes the request.
The Styx is both large in size and outrageous in content. People normally don't like receiving huge emails and they especially don't like large emails filled with content that enrages them.
To avoid pissing people off, I require subscribers to be there not as my guests, definitely not from my invitation. Rather I prefer if people were akin to audience members in a lecture hall where they could enter and leave as they please.
Any reader that thinks they are on the list because of my request and not because they requested, then let me know and I'll gladly unsubscribe you. I am a fanatic about following the rules of etiquette and it would bother me very much that someone is on the Styx against their will because nobody wants to receive rudeness, and it is the height of email rude to send huge messages to a unsolicited grouplist.
18. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ROCK GROUP "STYX"
Nope. But their song "Renegade" is the official song of the "Life in the Styx" [link added in 2013]
19. I SENT AN EMAIL TO YOU MONTHS AGO AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RESPONDED, ARE YOU BUSY OR JUST A JERK?
Busy. I'm sorry; as you can imagine, I don't have so much time in the day left after my rabbinical and Styxical duties are done.
20. WHO ARE YOUR LITERARY INFLUENCES?
Uh, that's a long answer. The only ones I can think of quickly are: Woody Allen, Mark Twain, Robert Howard, Dave Barry, Clifford Geertz, John McPhee, Hunter Thompson (in order of chronological influence). Actually, anyone whom I've read recently is bound to affect my mind. I'm an unwitting and involuntary mimic of writing tone and style.
21. I HEARD YOU CAN TELL IF SOMEONE'S LYING JUST BY STARING AT THEM WITH YOUR PIERCING BLUE EYES, IS THAT TRUE?
Nope. My eyes are hazel.
22. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD ON THE STYX?
Heck no. Not as the Styx is currently configured. Soon enough I will decide to go public, and *then* I will seek total global saturation. As for now, the current Styxlist (about 125 people) is a fine number. I don't mind other people I know signing up, but, again, only if they ask me themselves (and demonstrate that they really do want to receive it and know what kinda thang they are getting into).
23. WHY DO YOU INCLUDE THE WHOLE LIST OF NAMES SOMETIMES AND NOT OTHERS?
I used to send the whole list out with every Styx but then the Styxlist got way too big (the list was sometimes 50% of the document!) and I slapped the list into the BCC: I'll only send the whole list out on special occasions. If you want to check your nickname out, then check out the web-page. (I'm working out the LCC capabilities, but that is causing great headaches).
24. WHAT'S WITH YOU AND DAVE BARRY?
I do not know him, although I would like to. I find Dave very funny and astute. I send out the most recent Dave Barry to a separate list of people (with a much more lax subscription policy than employed for the Styx, but it still requires people to ask me for it). When it looks like I'll be unable to finish a bona fide Styx on the average Friday, I'll send off the Dave. Also, if Dave's particularly awesome that week, I'll send it out as well. I keep the copyright notice on his material, so I think I am still following the legal strictures. (Which reminds me, **keep my copyright notice on my work as well**)
25. HEY, JANE, HOW DO I STOP THIS CRAZY THING?
If you want to unsubscribe, don't be afraid. Just ask. I'm surprisingly gentle.
'Shabbas everyone, and chag sameach!
[Posted Oct 17, 2013]
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