In Honor of Music

Here's the only version of Hava Nagila* that I can listen to: by hizzoner, Mr. Pulp Fiction Theme Music Himself, Dick Dale:


*=global exception: my eldest son's graduating nursery school class all sang Hava Nagila together (he was one of the "vanishmechas" in his own words). That was nice.

Quote

From me, from Oct 25, 2006

"Bad things don't come in threes. They come in ones, we just remember them in threes."

Pic from here.

Broyde - Orthodox Women Clergy

Rav Michael Broyde, my nominee for Modern Orthodoxy's Posek ha-Dor, has come out with an essay about a pathway to elevate women into the clergy in Modern Orthodoxy. Wait, though, it's not what you think. In general, Broyde is not a mushy fence-smasher (one reason why I depend on his knoweldge, psak, and leadership). His goal in this essay is to create a legal status in the US law for women in chinukh to receive parsonage. He's practical and persuasive.

The following essay is from the Jewish Press, and available here as a pdf. It's been modified from the original (words in italics have been romanized, sorry)
------------------------------------------------
Orthodox Women Clergy?
By: Michael J. Broyde
Date: Wednesday, July 22 2009

You may applaud the idea of ordaining women rabbis, or you may recoil in horror at the prospect, but the simple fact remains that women already serve the Orthodox world in clergy-like positions.

Women teach Torah in various settings, answer questions of Jewish law on many matters, provide guidance on issues of Jewish theology to individuals and otherwise function as "clergy."

All Orthodox Jews ought to agree that these women deserve the best training possible. We certainly should recognize that they are entitled to parsonage under the Federal tax code.

The best way to accomplish this is for our community to start many different training programs for Orthodox women who wish to work as clergy.

Titles do matter, of course, and the title of this article was picked with some care: "Clergy," a term broader than "rabbi," is defined by Webster's as "the group of men and women who are ordained as religious leaders and servants of God." (In the Catholic tradition, for example, nuns are certainly clergy, though they do not perform sacraments and cannot provide communion, the central rite of Catholicism.)

Women Studying Torah: A Brief Overview

Jewish law generally does not change in terms of its core principles, at least not as understood by the Orthodox community. Change is effected in only three real ways: Innovative re-understanding (chiddush); rabbinic decree (takanah) and emergency decrees (hora'at sha'ah). Each of these has, at various times and places, altered the very face and form of Jewish law and community.

The first two, while not the focus here, are nonetheless worthy of brief explanation.

Throughout Jewish legal history, scholars of halacha have advanced novel understandings of classical sources - understandings that have changed the practice of Judaism, from Boaz's assertion in the Book of Ruth that a Moabite woman may marry a Jew, to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef's recent assertion that in cases of surrogacy the DNA mother (rather than the birth mother) is considered the mother according to Jewish law.

So too, change through rabbinic decrees prohibiting that which is otherwise permitted has transformed the face of Jewish law: consider, for example, Rabbeinu Gershom's decrees prohibiting polygamy and coerced divorce and their dramatic impact on Jewish law and society.

Neither of these mechanisms, however, is as far-reaching or as powerful as exigent decrees (hora'at sha'ah), the rarely used power to abrogate Jewish law and do that which is prohibited in order to allow Judaism to survive. As the Talmud recounts with regard to the decision to take what had been an exclusively oral tradition and record every aspect of that tradition in writing, "it is the time to act for the sake of God, to avoid destruction of God's Torah."

Women's study of Torah was the subject of exactly such a process one century ago when a group of famous rabbis - led by the Chofetz Chaim and the Admor from Gur - decided to encourage women to study Torah. The Chofetz Chaim wrote (Likutei Halachot, Sotah 20b):

It seems that all of this [prohibition against women learning Torah] applies only to times past when all daughters lived in their fathers' home and tradition was very strong, assuring that children would pursue their parents' path, as it says, "Ask your father and he shall tell you." On that basis we could claim that a daughter needn't learn Torah but merely rely on proper parental guidance. But nowadays, in our iniquity, as parental tradition has been seriously weakened and women, moreover, regularly study secular subjects, it is certainly a great mitzvah to teach them Chumash, Prophets and Writings, and rabbinic ethics, such as Pirkei Avot, Menorat Hamaor, and the like, so as to validate our sacred belief; otherwise they may stray totally from God's path and transgress the basic tenets of religion, God forbid.

This approach, which reflects the needs of the times and the dangers of under-education in the modern world, stands in direct contrast to the formulation of Jewish law found in Rambam and Shulchan Aruch, which apparently prohibits such study. It is important to note that while the Chofetz Chaim's formulation has the appearance of being less than ideal (bedi'eved), in reality, his construct - like the change from a purely oral Torah to an oral Torah that is written down, as Rav Yehuda HaNasi mandated - is really an adaption to changing times.

Even those who paint a slightly less radical story of this change and maintain that the statement of halacha was a case of innovation (chiddush), as women were always technically allowed to study oral law (the Rambam's formulation of "tzevo chachamin," used to prohibit women's Torah study, does not create a formalissur), agree that for centuries the practice was not to allow women to study Torah and so the change was still quite radical.

Problem With the Status Quo

We all agree that a dramatic change has taken place in the last fifty years. By and large we live in a society where many women are studying Torah intensively and participating extensively in a plethora of professional capacities, including many different roles in Jewish communal life: Women teach our children, found and run our schools, counsel troubled adults, run social service agencies, lecture on Torah topics and texts and serve as outreach professionals.

Women also study a large variety of Torah subjects and texts - far beyond what was studied a generation ago - at sister institutions of numerous great yeshivot and at many independent Torah institutions. Reflecting these changes, Rav Soloveitchik wrote simply and directly nearly fifty years ago (Community, Covenant and Commitment, page 83) that "not only is the teaching of Torah she'b'al peh to girls permissible, but nowadays an absolute imperative Boys and girls alike should be introduced into the inner halls of Torah she'b'al peh.

Just as, in order to save Torah from total destruction 2,000 years ago, the oral law had to be put into writing in direct violation of Jewish law, the oral law now needs to be studied by men and women alike if Torah is to be preserved. If that seems like a radical position, consider that today one would be hard pressed to find an Orthodox high school that does not, in fact, teach portions of the oral law to girls.

The above-mentioned changes have created something of a dilemma: What should those women who have studied Torah for several years after high school or college do for a living? I confess to having counseled many such women to "go to law school," assuring them that if they can master a halachic tome by Rav Moshe Feinstein or Rabbi Y.M. Epstein, they can master a legal work by Benjamin Cardozo or Louis Brandeis. I had given that advice because there were few, if any, good careers in Torah for women, despite the personal realization that this represented a significant loss for the Jewish people.

Training Women as Orthodox Clergy

We all see and sense that there are aspects of the clergy role in which women do better than men, and our community would be deficient if we did not, in fact, have women already serving in quasi-clerical roles. What the community needs is a training process - analogous to the one we have for men - to ensure that women are properly trained in halacha, theology, and pastoral matters and practice in order to best serve our community.

Training people for a job is more prudent that expecting them to do such a job untrained. If they are serving in these roles and servicing our community well, the Orthodox community will grow.

The opening of institutions to train women as members of the Orthodox clergy would be an excellent alternative to law school, and would serve as a logical progression in the development of women's Torah education in the Orthodox community.

Some will insist that whatever role women clergy play, they may not answer questions of Jewish law. This does not, however, seem to be mandated by halacha. As the Chinuch (mitzvah 152) noted many centuries ago, as a matter of Jewish law there is no issue with a woman answering questions of halacha if she is qualified to do so. Women involved in kiruv regularly answer questions of halacha and hashkafa. Should we not want to see to it that women in this field have adequate training to handle the issues that frequently present themselves?

Indeed, in Israel women are being trained to assist other women in taharat hamishpacha matters as yoatzot halacha and the rabbinical courts of Israel have welcomed women as advocates in the area of divorce as toanot rabbaniyot. Both of these formal programs and the many informal programs in Israel recognize that training is important to those who are in the field.

This does not mean women would or should be called "rabbi." For reasons ranging from formal authority (serarah) being limited to men, to the title being given only to those who can serve as witnesses or function as chazzanim, to it simply being a matter of tradition, it is reasonable to argue that a different title should be given.

Nor does this does mean training for women in the Orthodox clergy must be identical to the training men receive for the rabbinate. Women sometimes bring different pastoral approaches that require different training. All of this is secondary to the fact that formal institutional training for women who wish to be part of the Orthodox clergy - teaching, preaching and answering questions of halacha and hashgacha - is an improvement over the current lack of any formal training and therefore a good idea. Such programs, granting degrees conferring fitness to be a member of the Orthodox clergy, are a wise idea whose time has come.

Some Objections - and a Reply

Some will no doubt protest that this will all lead down a slippery slope toward egalitarian services. Personally, I think this slope is unlikely to slip. Pastoral and halachic matters undertaken by clergy are quite distinct within Orthodoxy - from the liturgical work of a chazzan to the sexton duties of a gabbai to the rabbinical court responsibilities of a dayan. In England, different members of the clergy (not all of whom even have semicha) go by distinctly different titles, reflecting different roles: reverend, minister, rabbi, and dayan; maybe that is a fine idea worth importing to America.

Others object to this type of training based on their disagreement with the worldview (hashkafat olam) of specific individuals involved in organizing the first training program for Orthodox women clergy. (Let me be honest: I share many of those objections). But the solution to that objection is to open alternate training programs with different faculty, staff, students and worldviews. It would be a shame if a good idea were abandoned merely because some in the Orthodox community think ill of the people who first thought it.

So, yes, certifying people - men and women - as well-trained Orthodox clergy is a good idea, and certainly better than the status quo, which allows essentially untrained women to function in pastoral roles.

In the end, our community can only grow and flourish with well-trained clergy - both men and women - teaching, preaching and counseling God's Torah. I look forward to all my children - both my sons and my daughters - being scholars and students of God's living legacy on this planet.

Michael J. Broyde is the founding rabbi of the Young Israel in Atlanta, a law professor at Emory University and a dayan in the Beth Din of America.

Pic from Broyde's TIM profile. Backpost finished 2009-11-30.

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon

So in a matter of days, Michael Jackson (50), Farrah Fawcett (62), and Ed McMahon (86) die. McMahon seemed like a decent fellow and he lived a long life. Fawcett seemed like a dingbat and since I was too young for her heyday, I never found her that attractive or interesting. Sad to die of serious cancer though. Bummer.

Then we come to Michael Jackson, who was of my era. After a day's full of hype over his death, my first and lasting reaction is "meh." Yes, his music was great... but not recently. In that sense, he stopped being relevant to me a while ago. And in the age of producers/DJs/mixers, I have a hard time figuring out how much was him and how much his crew.

Then there's the fact that his early years (which I like; "ABC" is one of my favorite songs) were the result of serious child abuse from a horrific stage-father - it taints everything from that era.

And let's not forget the persistent charges of child-molestation. Meh.

I understand the veneration for John Lennon who was a musical genius and a martyr; I understand even the intensity for Elvis... but I have never understood the attention/concern about Michael Jackson.

But "Billie Jean" is a great song.

Pic from here

Personal Update

I've been away a long time, but for real reasons. We had to take my wife to the hospital, back at the end of April, for pregnancy complications and she was basically in there for almost a month until the birth of our daughter on May 22. After that, it's been non-stop catch-up for all the things in my life. I hope to get back on track soon.

Jack Kemp Dies, 73

Jack Kemp died last night from cancer at 73. I actually liked him; he was the real deal. I guess because he and I are both upstate New Yorkers. But he's a vanished breed - a non-racist, moderate Republican politician. I have long said that the 1996 Election was one of the only ones in my lifetime where I could have lived with either choice (as opposed to, lets say, 1988 which was a disaster every-which-way). In fact, it could have been a Kemp v. Gore battle in 1988 which I would have liked very much (despite that I was 2 years away from voting age). Ah well.

State of the Parties

Soon may be the day when the largest party affiliation will be no party:


h.t. to Sullivan for the chart

Video of the Day: Texas Secession

My brother sent me this youtube clip about Texas' most recent plan to secede from the Union. A grateful nation thanks the dude who made this clip.

BATman

The identity of the author of the Styx is a deep mystery, shrouded in intrigue, only barely discoverable by intellects who are able to type and have access to Google. Nonetheless, my anonymity is a legal fiction I intend to uphold for now.

That said, I cannot and will not admit that I have a brother specifically named Aaron Cypess, M.D., Ph.D., but were he my brother I would be incredibly proud that Aaron is the first author of a New England Journal of Medicine article about "brown fat" (Brown Adipose Tissue = B.A.T., hence the fat Batman). The article is so important that it was carried by every major newspaper as well as NPR and even the major network TV news: NBC with Brian Williams, the Today Show, and CBS News.

Some newspapers decided to break with scientific and journalistic tradition and they did not mention the first author's name. One paper in particular, whose name rhymes with Shnew Dork Shtimes, committed this calmnus fraud. Not sure why... I won't say it's because Aaron wore a yamulka to the interview; it's probably because the Shtimes is a rag.

Yet, because God has a sense of humor, this story broke on the first day of Pesach. Which meant that the entire frum community, who weren't able to listen to NPR or watch 2 of the major news networks on Chag, were stuck reading the Shtimes and thus did not know that the Cypess Family Name was being honored so greatly.

What follows is a list of the journalistic heroes, i.e. those that carried Aaron's name along with his revolutionary findings. Also are three video clips noted above (NBC, Today, CBS) - where Aaron is shown doing his research proudly wearing his keepah:

NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102887700

NPR audio: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102887700

Reuters (as Cypress): http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE5378SL20090408?feedType=RSS&feedName=healthNews

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/10/brown.fat.obesity/

WSJ: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123922489513102541.html

WPost: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/08/AR2009040804290_pf.html

Boston Globe: http://www.boston.com/news/health/blog/2009/04/brown_fats_hold.html

Forbes: http://www.forbes.com/feeds/hscout/2009/04/08/hscout625876_print.html

Scientific American: http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=adults-store-calorie-burning-brown-2009-04-09

LA Times: http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-sci-fat9-2009apr09,0,6366429,print.story

WebMD: http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20090407/can-brown-fat-make-you-thin

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News

Congratulations Aaron, if you were my brother, I'd be very proud of you.

Fat Batman pic from here.

Daytime TV

While lying in bed, gently writhing in lumbar-exploded pain, I was able to catch up on about 5 or 6 years of back TV watching. When I was a child and sick on a weekday, I had to make do with either the weird stuff they put on PBS after 10 am, or, if I was lucky, the Price is Right (in fact, ask any gen-Xer, and we'll tell you that 2 things are synonymous with being sick: the Price is Right, and ginger-ale).

Anyway, this decade, I was able to relive my childhood not through bad TV but through VH1 - which is now strictly programmed for my age group. I was able to soothe my pain with 5 straight hours of the Top 50 One-Hit-Wonders of the 80s. Electric Avenue, indeed.

Back Blowout

So, there I was, minding my own business, right about to leave for hashkama minyan, grabbing my youngest son in an attempt to tickle and/or kiss him, when an almost audible muscular-explosion hit a whole bunch of my lumbars (see pic to the left of me in Terminator-o-Vision).

I've had back pains and problems before - a lovely paternal inheritance - but nothing like this. Holy macaroni.

I was able to struggle up the stairs from the basement and then collapsed on my living room couch where I stayed for 12 hours, almost totally incapacitated. To get to the bathroom I needed to crawl and a round-trip took about an hour. My wife was an indispensable help but since she's in her last trimester, we couldn't risk her supporting my weight (which usually requires two strong men or one small burro).

A fellow-congregant of my shul, a high-demand orthopedic specialist, even paid a house-call Motzei Shabbos. He gets a big bunch of Olam Ha-Ba for that.

It took 24 hours of immobility until I was strong enough to stand for a short period of time; 48 hours until I could sit for a minute or two and 72 hours until I felt half-way normal. Today I'm still in pain, but I can at least stand and sit for longer periods. Let's see if it can handle a three hour seminar today.

Oh, and what ran through my mind was the Wilfred Brimley line from one of my top-5 movies, Hard Target: when asked "can you get up?" he replies, in a weird Cajun accent, "I cannot dance, but I can get up."

It's in this clip below at 3:47 (to get there you need to sit through almost 4 minutes of straight gunfire, explosions and John-Woo-Style killing... see above for 'top 5.'):



Pic of my back pain from here.

Passover Coke

I am not the only one - by far - who is obsessed with true-sugar Passover Coke. NPR is on the case; so is USA Today; so is about 1000 other blogs and websites (e.g.).

My favorite Passover Coke story comes from my second year in college. My freshman year dorm had 4 guys and for sophomore year we added a fifth and were able to occupy one of the 2 "quints" in Mathey College. We lost out on Blair Arch (I was told that an elaborate and well-planned conspiracy managed to land it, year after year, to some beer-soaked frat), and we settled into Hamilton Hall.

Two of the original four were not Jewish and were well acquainted with the other two's Hebrew ways. The newest roommate was less so (he was a devout Catholic, an officer in the campus Aquinas Society, he's the one who told me that an Opus Dei dude considered his church "Bloody Protestant" compared to the 'Dei). In any case, this roommate - an Electrical Engineer - came into the room 'round this time of year and started waxing enthusiastic that the "P-Coke" was finally in the stores. When asked what he meant, he explained that if you looked at the can-o'-coke's lid, there was a "P" stamped on it. And it was his unadulterated opinion - he had no idea that it was a Passover thing - that it was the finest Coke you can buy.

He's right.

Birkat ha-Chama

The accompanying picture of Rabbi Samuels of Cong. Shaarei Tefillah leading the shul in Birkat ha-Chama #206 (5769) was taken by me with my palm Treo at 6:57am.

On one side, Birkat ha-Chama is a fun halakha; as we'd expect with astronomy, in good Halley's Comet form, it comes so infrequently to make it very special.

On the other side, for people like me - highly secular educated religious Jews - this halakha exemplifies the worst of the quasi-science that the anti-Rationalist Daas Torahniks like to inflict on the rest of us. The rabbinic cognoscenti know that everything declared to be a "fact" with Birkat ha-Chama is actually untrue (e.g. the calendar is according to Rav Ada, not Shmuel; we basically hold like Rebbe Eliezer for creation, not Rebbe Yehoshua... in fact, I'd claim that the rabbis are signaling us that this is a charade by davka paskening like Shmuel etc.) And don't get me started on how we add days for the Gregorian shift yet don't take into account the modifications of the Julian calendar.

So it's difficult to stand up and say 'we need to wait 28 years in order for the sun to be in the exact position at Creation' while using NONE of the Torah-True-Science that would give us the accurate day.

I mean, seriously, why don't we do this every year on the 29th of Elul? That would at least be honest in the sense that it says "this is a religious event, following Scripture, to acknowledge creation." Instead we use pseudo-science, and pseudo-logic. It's things like this - claiming false-science as true - that drive away the intelligentsia.

	The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Ranking the Comics, Part 1

{Contiued, from this backpost, started originally on Jan 24, 2009}

The comics service I subscribe to, gocomics.com claims on their homepage that Calvin & Hobbes is the greatest comic strip ever. Normally I don't take corporate claims seriously, but comics are a serious business (to me).

What are the top possible comic strips? Again, to me (in no particular order):

1. Calvin & Hobbes (1985-1995)
   
2. Peanuts (1950-2000)
   
3. Doonesbury (1970-current)
   
4. Bloom County (1980-1989)
   
5. The Far Side (1980-1995)
   
6. Pogo (1948-1975)
   
7. Krazy Kat (1913-1944)
   
8. Dilbert (1989-current)
   
9. Get Fuzzy (1999-current)
   
10. Baby Blues (1990-current)
    
11. Citizen Dog (1995-2001)
    
12. Sherman's Lagoon (1991-current)
    
13. Foxtrot (1988-current)
    
14. Ernie/Piranha Club (1988-current)
    
15. The K Chronicles (1996?-current)
    
16. Frazz (2001-current)
    
17. Life in Hell (1977-current)
    
18. The Spirit (1940-1952)
    
19. Rube Goldberg's machines (1914-1970?)

Note, there are some classic strips that others do include on all time best (e.g. Lil' Abner) which I don't mainly because I just don't like reading them. Moreover, there are many really good comics out there that I like but don't think belong on an all-time list (e.g. Boondocks, Liberty Meadows, Non Sequitur). Just to note, while it's too early to say, one comic that has a potential to be an all-time-great is Cul-De-Sac.

I judge based on 6 criteria: (1) art quality [AQ] (being drawn well gets high regard from me), (2) readability [R] (a ranking of narrative/storytelling ability; is the comic a pleasure to read), (3) creativity [C] (how much does the artist/writer do with his charcters - e.g. Garfield has moments of creativity but is basically a one-joke strip, but makes it a higher rank than Beetle Bailey); (4) humor [H] (some comics are very high ranking in major categories but just isn't funny, e.g. Boondocks); (5) intelligence [I] (does the writer assume the reader is smart, how smart do you need to be to grok the strip), (6) wisdom [W] (does the writer teach the reader? Many strips get zeros in this category, taking them out of 'best of all time' running, and the ones that are highest in this category make it to the best). A seventh criterion - consistency - is hard to rank individually, so I average it into the whole series (e.g. at one point Blondie may have been a real rib-tickler, now eh...)

The full ratings and rankings in a moment. This is what took me so long to finish, originally.

Wisdom of Calvin And Hobbes

{Backpost: Started this Jan 24, 2009; This is a huge topic, so I'll cut this post off and try to finish the whole thing later.}

Is Calvin & Hobbes the best comic strip ever? Someone has claimed that, and it may actually be true. This came up because, in my Sociology of Gender Theory and Time Warp to Second Wave Feminism class, I found myself quoting/referring to the following, timeless, wisdom from the modern day philosophers of Calvin, Hobbes, via Watterson:

An example of a permanent, useful, strip (from Feb 23 1994): So I have a long discussion on this topic (so long that I had to stop writing it three months ago) and I hope to restart it in the sake of time-wasting, procrastination, and comprehensiveness.

Random Personal Firsts

As I was listening this morning to my tunes, I went through a list of personal musical/entertainment milestones - which, because I am as yet only a consumer not a producer - are all about acquisition. My wife produces (she's a moose-ishun) and I believe my role in the entertainment industry will be harnessing the talents of my kids. That said, the milestones:

1. The first TV show I recorded on my home VCR: parts of the 1984 Summer Olympics

2. First CD purchased: In 1986 (or so): Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by the Beatles. [As with most of the following, this was a purposeful decision - to declare that this was the epitome of albumlyness.]
   

3. First CDs acquired through the BMG Usury Club: "Digital Duke" by Duke Ellington, "Chronicle Vol 1" by CCR, "Rewind" by the Rolling Stones [All of these were to impress my father in the erroneous thought that he wouldn't mind me buying stuff if he liked the music as well; anon]
   

4. First CD Box-sets: purchased simultaneously: The Temptations, Emperors of Soul & Led Zeppelin's Box Set. [This was my declaration that these were the two pillars of my soul-ar system - what music about which I wanted to be comprehensive.]
   

5. First DVD: 1999 - "The Matrix" [like with Sgt. Pepper, I felt that this was the epitome of DVDyness]
   

And speaking of Temptations, courtesy of Dewey Cox:

Sexual Abuse Among the Amish

{Backpost: From October 18, 2007, 11:33 am. All I had was the link}

This is an instructive story for those in the frum community who cannot understand that sexual predators are found everywhere. Charedim and Amish are often compared (mainly because they share wardrobes) and the lessons about predators in their midst are the same:

1. There's an irreducible percentage of the population that is just plain bad-crazy. Total immersion in Chumash, Shas and Mussar will not change crazy. Removing outside/secular influences will not change crazy.

   
   

2. All you can do with crazy is be vigilant and stop the sickos with the early warning signs. Halakha tells us this, ya know.
   

   
   

3. You must understand that to the twisted, diseased brain of a predator, sheltered religious communities are Candyland. The victims have been taught to not question authority, and the predators are hidden by a cloud of systemic respectability (a rabbi wouldn't molest! A parent wouldn't harm his kid!) As such, even if you think that the percentage of sickos are going to be reduced because of the healing light of Shas, Poskim, and Rashi on Chumash, the predators from the outside will be drawn to these communities and the internal home-grown predators will thrive.

There is a difference between the Amish and Charedim, as the news story illustrates as seen in this quote about a victim: "Mary's father was killed in a buggy accident when she was 5."

{Amazing picture from this - totally unrelated story - on this blog.}

Mervin Verbit

Mervin Verbit is a distinguished professor of Sociology at CUNY - which was my second choice for grad school (they offered me a prestigious scholarship) after Brandeis - and I've seen his name referenced a bunch of times. But, I must admit a chronic weakness of mine, one that's shared by some of my heroes (notably, Dave Barry) which is that I cannot resist a funny name.

This man is a senior colleague in my field yet his name is a caraway seed in the dentures of my mind because his name is beautifully, tragically funny.

We were brainstorming what his middle name is: Bert? Gertrude? Murgatroyd?

Story illustrating the use of the name from this morning: I gave a gift to my eldest son: a small paper map of the 553 bus route. He loves it. It's got roads, railroad tracks, the letter T, etc. And there's the picture of the guy I call "Mr. Bus Man" - his smiling face is on a number of bus maps and the MBTA does not identify him. Is he a driver? Does he own a bus? Did he invent Boston? No idea. Anyway, my eldest asked me, naturally, who this guy was. My answer, also naturally: Mervin Verbit.

Mervin Murgatroyd Verbit, to be honest.

A la Grover, I am so ashamed.

Song of the Day: "Convoy" by C.W. McCall

One of the all time great novelty songs, Convoy (1975), by C. W. McCall. "All-time," because it's possible that the song launched the CB craze of the 1970s, which connected with concomitant 'fast driving Southerner' craze. Hence without the song, there'd be no Dukes of Hazzard (1979-1985), Clint "My Man" Eastwood's chimp movies, and the entire career of Burt "My Man" Reynolds (cf. Smokey and the Bandit 1976, Hooper 1978, Cannonball Run 1981, etc.).

Many of my all-time-favorite songs are 'story-songs' and this tune was made into at least one movie (regrettable, I've never seen it, but understandable given the cool story). Check out all of McCall's ouvre; he has consistent cool-goodness (which is the opposite of Bad Craziness). I also like snare drum music, and (what Wiki tells me is) Sprechgesang.

The music and lyrics can be found from this French site: C.W. McCall - Convoy. My clot of lawyers explains that you cannot download or use the MP3 on that site unless you purchase the song and/or are French.

Lyrics (fixed by me) [I need to make an annotated version]

(Uh breaker 1-9 this here's the Rubber Duck
you got a copy on me Pig'Pen? C'mon.
Uh yeah 10-4 pig-pen for sure, for sure.
By golly it's clean clear to Flag-town, C'mon.

Yeah that a 10-4 there Pig-Pen, yeah we definitely
got the front door good buddy.
Mercy sakes alive looks like we got us a convoy)

Was the dark of the moon on the
sixth of June in a Kenworth pullin' logs.
Cabover Pete with a reefer on
and a Jimmy Hauling hogs.
We's headin' for bear on I-one-oh
'bout a mile out a shaky-town.
I sez pig-pen this here's a Rubber Duck
and I'm about to put the hammer down.

CHORUS:
(Cause we got a little ol' convoy rockin' thru the night
Yeah we got a little ol' convoy ain't she a beautiful sight
Come on and join our convoy ain't nothin' gonna get it in your way
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy across the USA. Convoy. Convoy)

(Uh breaker Pig-Pen this here's the Duck and a-you wanna back off with them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five mile or so, 10. Roger. Them hogs is gettin' in-tense up here.)

By the time we got into Tulsa town we had eighty trucks in all.
But they's a road-block upon the clover-leaf and them bears was all to wall.
Yeah them smokies as thick as bugs on a bumper they even had a bear in the air.
I sez callin' all trucks this here's the duck we about to go a-huntin' bear.

CHORUS

(Uh you wanna gimme a 10-9 on that pig-pen?
Uh negatory pig-pen you're still too close
Yeah them hogs is startin' to close up my sinuses.
Mercy sakes you better back off another ten)

Well we rolled up Interstate 44 like a rocket sled on rails.
We tore up all of our swindle sheets and left 'em settin' on the scales.
By the time we hit that Chi-town them bears was a gettin' smart.
They'd brought up some reinforcements from the Illinois national guard.

There's armored cars and tanks and jeeps and rigs of every size.
Yeah them chicken coops was full of bears and choppers filled the skies.
Well we shot the line and we went for broke with a thousand screamin' trucks.
And 11 long haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse Micro-bus.

(Oh rubber duck to sod buster come on here yeah 10-4 sod buster
Listen you wanna put that micro-bus in behind that suicide jockey?
Yeah he's haulin' dynamite and he needs all the help he can get)

Well we laid a strip for the Jersey shore, prepared to cross the line.
I could see the bridge was lined with bears but I didn't have a doggone dime.
I said Pig-Pen this here's the Rubber Duck; we just ain't a gonna pay no toll.
So we crashed the gate, doin' 98. I sez 'let them truckers roll.' 10-4.

CHORUS (with catcalls and hoots)

(Uh, 10-4 pig-pen what's your 20? Omaha!?
Well they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there for sure.
Well mercy sakes good buddy we gonna back on out of here.
So keep the bugs off your glass and the bears off your tail,
And we'll ketch ya on the flip-flop.
This here's the Rubber Duck on the side. We gone. Bye Bye.)

This Youtube clip is from some dude who put pictures to the lyrics (an art form which probably has a name, but I don't know it); the song is low-quality, the images even lower, but it's worth a glimpse:

Madoff and Me Update

Mr. Nonymous, an unknown Brandeis student (I believe), commented on my original post about the Madoff Chair, said that the plaque had been stolen. This was a good rib-tickler, or so I thought. Turns out that she/he was telling the truth (as the picture attests): someone took the plaque down. Will Madoff's trechery not cease?!

Coulrophobia

Not to criticize the profession of psychology, but do we really need a specific word or fear of clowns (Coulrophobia) - I mean, who doesn't fear clowns. That's sorta like defining 'fear of being poked in the eye with a sharp stick.' Although, it's true that I don't actually fear clowns as much as I distrust them. I certainly wouldn't let them marry...

Pic is of Tim Curry unbelievably evil clown in Steven King's It. Backpost finished on 2009-12-03.

The Doodle-Flu

My youngest son a stomach-flu two weeks ago, which spread quickly to my whole nuclear family. It started on Tuesday, the week before Purim, and my last day with it was Purim itself. The symptoms were all gastric (pretty similar to the ones of the food poisoning in Airplane!; I'll see if I can find a clip).

I call it the "doodle-flu" because I call my kids 'doodles' (yeah it's cutsie-poo; there's a long story behind it, but my kids are cute so it works for them).

We knew he wasn't feeling well because he had a lack of appetite even when we were in our favorite restaurant (as you can see in this pre-dated story): the Brandeis cafeteria. Then, near the end of the meal, my youngest let loose with a truly heroic Yorq.

We were mortified (this happened a few months ago to our oldest and we think that there's an unwritten 'three-yorqs-you're-out' clause somewhere). But they were very nice about it. We thought it could have been caused by any number of factors (kids don't need excuses to boot; for the first 12 months of their lives they boot frequently), but as the night progressed we saw that it was part of a constellation of symptoms that developed into the Doodle-Flu.

Now my youngest probably got it from some of his miscreant toddler friends at day-care, and when we called our doctor's office they told us that it was running rampant through Boston.

And that's what I was willing to believe, until this morning.

In preparation for telling the Campus newspapers about my Madoff chair, I went to the website of one of the two papers, The Hoot, where I saw this headline:

Kosher food not responsible for G.I. bug
by Ariel Wittenberg
March 13, 2009

The Health Center confirmed that there was no food poisoning in Sherman Dining Hall after 29 students came to the center complaining of vomiting and diarrhea.

The complaints came from students falling ill after eating at the dining hall, specifically, in the Kosher section; however, Nursing Director Kathleen Maloney said that these students were suffering from a norovirus, or “tummy bug,” and not food poisoning.

[snip]

... [Nursing Director] Maloney said that only three of the 29 students who went to the health center with the virus reported on their health records that they followed a Kosher diet, despite the fact that rumors had speculated that Kosher food was to blame.

Jenna Rubin ’11, who chairs the Student Union’s Dining Services Committee, said that she heard the rumors of food poisoning from multiple students who, after becoming sick, refused to eat food that came from the Kosher Dining hall.

“They wouldn’t eat kosher food, so they couldn’t eat any food on campus,” she said. “They were eating chips and fruit for two days because they were so afraid of it.” [more]

Circumstantial evidence falls to blaming my young son - who is too cute for serious punishment; I still feel guilty.

Pic of a doodling bug, a doodle-bug, from here.

Madoff and Me

Unwittingly, I have occupied the Bernard Madoff Chair at Brandeis University. My recent, favored, seat in the library is in the Farber Mezzanine computer cluster/study area. I've found that it's quiet, the computers are good, and I was given a gift of a free copy/printer card that only works at that cluster. On pure chance, the carrel I prefer to use is on the far wall, and I've been sitting at the carrel for the past few weeks without noticing that it was donated by "Mr. & Mrs. Bernard Madoff." It could be the Madoffs of Hoboken, Weehawken, or Sheboygen... but I think it's Inmate # 61727-054.

I told the library people and they'll probably tell the campus newspaper (if not, I will), so this will become news soon. But it's my scoop, heh.

Steve Greenberg and Conservadox

One of the topics which I hope to spend more time researching (and publishing) is that of the denominations in Judaism. I am especially interested in the new formation of 'non-denominational' or 'trans-d' or 'post-d' (especially paired with the new 'partnership minyans') because these people, I claim, are basically conservative Jews who don't want to admit it.

Either they grew up Conservative and don't identify with them anymore - either because C is too liberal, too wishy-washy, too materialist, or what have you. I don't know too well because I haven't interviewed these people, but that's my assumption.

The ones I do know, who do belong to Partnership Minyans, are liberal Orthodox Jews who were taught Torah and Halakha but not about the philosophy of the halakhic process and were basically Conservative Jews for years without even knowing it.

No matter what they call themselves (trans, post, non) I still think of them as Conservadox: and by that I mean that they have the ideology of Conservative - which includes the conception of the halakhic process as constantly mutating and mutable - but with the basic practice of ignorant (Modern) Orthodox.

The ignorance is an important component; because while there are ignoramuses in both Modern and Charedi Orthodox, the ignorant Charedi does not have another system to fall back on to fill up the lacunae of knowledge: when they don't know what to do, or why they do what they do, they fall back on either superstition, minhag, or the combination of the two (what I label "tabloid halakha").

Ignorant Modern Orthodox fill in their gaps of knowledge with modern culture which makes them think like 21st Century Americans; which also fits in very well for whatever passes for Conservative halakha at this time.

The biggest aspect of the Orthodox born conservadox - again the people I'm most familiar with, so it could be for the whole group - is a bigotry against being called Conservative. They hate the label and will do whatever they can to still be called either 'Orthodox' or at least not-conservative.

Part of the bigotry comes from plain ignorance: they don't know what the terms mean; but related to that is the main impetus: when these people grew up, in their home cultures, being Orthodox was 'good' (authentic, real, valued) and Conservative was 'bad' (fake, invented, unauthentic). And to these labels they cling.

I have had many conversations with these people where I have to assure them, repeatedly, that being Conservative is OK if that's what they are. I emphasize that being honest in what you are, and what you believe, is important to yourself and to others. This is especially important for rabbis (see below).

The motto of Conservadox is "where there's a rabbinic will, there's a halakhic way." This motto, invented by Blu Greenberg (On Women and Judaism (JPS 1981) p.44 sez this), is the whole denomination in a nutshell. Blu herself is classic conservadox (her husband is more like Doobie-dox or who knows).

If you believe the truth of that statement then:

1. You are ignorant of the halakhic process - get up right now and rush into a yeshiva and start learning
   
2. You are on notice for being Conservadox
   
3. Which I think is fine as long as you're honest about it

Why isn't it an Orthodox belief? Because there are some things which just can't be explained away with legal mumbo-jumbo. It only appears that it can from the position of someone who knows how halakha works from listening to (bad) rabbi sermons or reading the footnotes in the Artscroll Chumash.

Steve Greenberg

What does this have to do with Steve "The Gay Orthodox Rabbi" Greenberg? Well, this morning I had a discussion with my bar-plugta about him because he was the guest rabbi in Brandeis over Shabbas.

Side note: my bar-plugta (an Aramaic term, from the Gemara, meaning a sparring partner in learning) is the driver of my daily car-pool. That's the basis of the name I'm giving her in this blog as well: Bat-Plugta.


Anyway, Bat Plugta is a very spiritual, and religiously knowledgeable person, who nonetheless holds the diametrically opposite view on almost everything from what I have. We even disagreed about whether we like fast days (she does, I don't). She's conservadox with a capital D - e.g. she puts on tallis and tefillin - yet she is under the impression that she's comfortably within the Orthodox definition. Even though she admits that David Weiss-Halivni is her posek.

Anyway, she went to hear Steve Greenberg and was gushing over his perspective on halakha. While normally I bite my tongue when conversing with benefactors (the carpool is very helpful and I'll ride with a J4J if it shaves 2 hours off my commute), but I needed to put my foot down about Steve.

Basically, I stated, that while I sympathize with Greenberg's plight - the closet is hell - I repudiate his fundamental dishonesty about halakha. Like many gay clergymen, he tries to find a way that being gay and 'frum' is OK. It is not; that is pretty much fundamental. Yet in his machinations and contortions to make being gay A-OK he ends up following the 'progressive halakha' methodology of Conservative halakha.

Which means that when he calls himself an Orthodox Rabbi, he's lying. Bat Plugta, in arguing with me, claiming Steve's still an Orthodox Rabbi, brought up all the bad proofs I fear (including 'rabbinic will, halakhic way.') She also brought proofs of his Orthodoxy from rabbis that, alas, are on the cusp of being booted from the definition. But, critically, she said that Greenberg claimed that he doesn't like 'labels' and that he doesn't need to embrace being 'Orthodox' while at the same time she said he said (and now I'm saying) that he doesn't identify as 'conservative' either.

Well bully for him. Sadly, Steve seems to have stepped from one closet into another: and that's what Conservadox is, it's a closeted conservative trying to pass as Orthodox.

Note, you can be Orthodox and gay. Either you are celibate - which means a life of righteous self-torture - or you are a lifelong compelled sinner. I have compassion for those who are compelled, through uncontrollable urges, to sin. They fall under a specific category of "mumar l'teyavon" (sinners of appetite) and can be trusted in halakha for many things. It's a sad life - it would be unconscionable for me to deny the difficulty - but it's honest, and as halakhic as possible.

Jewish law about homosexuality, as opposed to other modern prohibitions (like women's learning etc), is consistent: halakha severely limits sex. It's clear. And halakha is pretty much anti-compassion when it comes to violating Torah prohibitions. If you think not, then you need to learn more. If that's not the kind of Judaism you like, then, again, either learn more, or find another Judaism - just don't call it Orthodox; it's dishonest.

The last word, for now, on this huge troubling concept: what I'm very worried about is how examples from Modern Orthodoxy of halakha that *has* progressed - e.g. women's learning, Zionism, secular learning - are being used by these deluded sinners to substantiate their attempts to step beyond the line. I'm worried because, when push comes to shove, allowing women to learn Gemara should not lead people to believe that homosexuality is mutar. And if the connection is made too often, then Modern Orthodoxy will die: it'll be a horrible sacrifice to jettison women's learning in order to persist in forbidding homosexuality, but it will be a sacrifice that the Orthodox leadership will make.

Irkutsk is Real

As you well know, the Onion is one of the finest sources of truth and wisdom; an example:

Risk Champ Flunks Geography Test
December 15, 2004 | Issue 40•50

ALBANY, NY—Alfred Wu, the 13-year-old winner of the 2004 East Coast Risk Championship, flunked his 8th-grade world-geography test, social-studies teacher Jane Laurent reported Monday. "His test paper was filled with names like Kamchatka and Yakutsk, and the Ukraine spread over half of Europe," Laurent said. "And, by his account, the U.S. is made up of only three states: Eastern United States, Western United States, and Alaska." Last week, Wu received an "F" on a paper he wrote about Napoleonic military Stratego.

Except, as I found out recently when looking at a map of the Former Soviet Union, these Risk provinces are now back in play.

For example, see this recent news story (from Vos-Iz-Neias) about a synagogue in Irkutsk!: Irkutsk, Russia - After 70 Million Rubles A 130-Year-Old Synagogue Fully Restored

Saturday Morning Watchmen (Video)

As I've mentioned before, I love me my Watchmen, and I dread my obsessive need to watch the (terribly reviewed) movie. Anyway, for those who know the book, and have a sick sense of humor, here's an awesome parody: "Saturday Morning Watchmen." The inside humor is vicious and delicious.

The original is from here, but some nice guy put it up on the 'Tube:

Simple Pleasures: Pom-Poms

We (my that I mean my wife) had as a project, to while away the time on a Sunday afternoon (easily the toughest parenting day at my kids' age - they need to be occupied and we still haven't built the hamster style energy-saving flywheel for them to scamper around in) to put together their Purim costumes. Since both my boys are addicted to Thomas the Tank Engine and associated products (an addiction I encouraged back in the day, more on that another time), the idea was to make train costumes. And to do so, we (again, my wife alone, mea culpa) had to go out and buy art supplies.

Now, I love art supplies. Always have. And my sons are chips off the old block. But the best part was how my youngest developed a sudden, and intense, lust for the fuzzy art supply pom-poms.

When my wife and two kids returned home, my youngest was clutching the bag of pom-poms as if it were a teddy-bear (did he know?). He wanted to have the bag opened immediately and I can imagine he was hoping to dive into the poms like Scrooge McDuck.

When I came back, after an hour or so, to the art-room (the basement playroom), it turned out that my youngest had opened both bags and had systematically strewn the poms all over the floor. It looked like, and I said so at the time, a muppet had exploded.

Jastrow Online

Over the past few days I have been obsessively going through the free downloads on Google Books. In general, I am a huge fan of the Google Books project - it is a dream of mine that I could do complete library research (with downloading and printing) while sitting at home (preferably in pajamas).

Google has been trying to scan books into their online engines; personally, were I a man with power (=money/elected office), I'd make a law to have every new book loaded online into the Library of Congress. Not scanned - like the googlers - but the actual text: since every book passes through a word processor at one point, this shouldn't be so hard.

Yeah, I know, Napster has killed popular music (note, it hasn't as far as I can tell), so Google Books will kill books. Bull-sheisse. Every author I know (including myself), while they naturally like money, like fame even more. And if a book is available to EVERYBODY at all times, like it would if it were online, then fame is as rapid as a key-word search.

Ahem. Anyway, Google, as part of their book project, has been scanning into downloadable PDFs as many books as they can that have lost their copyright. Which means many century, or more, books are now free for the taking. This includes a lot of Judaica, and that's what I've been plundering over the past few days.

One of the best finds? One half of the famed Jastrow Talmud dictionary is online, free to download: Jastrow: A Dictionary of the Targumim,etc. vol. 2

Volume 1 is still missing as a bulk download (but each page of the original is available here - but grabbing it page-by-page is too arduous for even this obsessive).

Leonard Cohen is One of Us

I came across Leonard Cohen the way most people did - through Jeffrey Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah. The lyrics were amazing, and Buckley really sang the heck out of it (and the fact that Buckley suicided soon afterward gave extra pathos to the song.

But I was intrigued enough by the lyrics that I sought out the original version... and, when I heard *that*, I thought it was a joke. Compared to his natural cognate, Bob Dylan, Cohen's lyrics are better but his voice is worse! Yes, it's possible.

So I kept a space in my mind for honor for Cohen while staying far away from his mumbly monotone singing. But just now, I read a NYTimes story that says that Cohen is shomer shabbat! Which now raises my esteem for him to the highest level.

h.t. Imshin, pic from here, Backpost finished 2009-12-06.

Women Reading Megillah For Men (Hirhurim)

So you may have heard that Rav Ovadya shlit"a allows women to read megillah for men. According to R' Gil Student at Hirhurim this is not news and as such not as earth-shattering as it sounds. Read what he sez.

Pic is my crop of the Hirhurim logo. Backpost finished 2009-12-03.