Comic: Ben Bailey on New York Smells

This could only be a male comedy thing - but I found this specific routine deeply hilarious. I needed to remove my chewing gum lest I choke from laughter. Yet, my wife did not even crack a smile. It's possibly because I lived in New York and had the exact same reactions he describes.

After watching this dude on Netflix I hoped that he would have been picked up by movies and TV and I see that he has (even winning an Emmy for Cash Cab). Good for him. As a big man comic, he's taken the Patrick Warburton route in his voice and pacing. It works.

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Ben Bailey - Different Smells
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One My Favorite Comics

Short Post: the attached comic is one that cracks me up every time. It's gross, but funny.

Long Post: It's a too-cool-for-school trait for people to bash Garfield. There's a now infamous product of the 21st Century, Garfield Minus Garfield, which capitalizes on the hatred, attempting to show the strip is funnier without the title character. Yet I, he who takes comic strips way too seriously, find Garfield a reliable read. Why the dissonance from the screaming masses (a.k.a. why am I right and they wrong)?

I believe there's two main reasons for the cultural opprobrium: (1) it's an old strip and people who feel they are out of comic-page reading can attack it as a symbol of the youth they've left behind, and/or to attack the child they used to be and hate.

(2) More likely, it's because of the crass commercialism of Jim Davis, head of Garfield Inc. He's unabashed in his desire to create Garfield for mercenary purposes, and the comic is exploited in nearly every possible way. Note, this exploitation was also performed by Charles Schultz of Peanuts, but he was given a pass because his strip is so deep (it was rarely *funny* but it was solid - almost literary in its resonance and application; Dickens was commercial too, but he's still assigned in English class - Schultz is the Dickens of comics, and you can quote me).

Garfield is very rarely deep, it's commercialism runs through its core. And while Schultz was drawing the strip until days before his death, Davis (early on) outsourced the strip to others (as far as I know Davis just picks up checks). So the main opprobrium comes from cultural doyens, like me to be honest, who resent a guy being so successful in art by intentionally abusing the form.

Two caveats: (1) Some people may actually not find Garfield funny at all - hey, there's no accounting for taste. You may be excused. I'm dealing with people who attack it while not actually reading it (see below). (2) However, the Garfield-bashers, the subconsciously honest ones, don't attack it for being without merit, mainly because they know they can't. It's sorta like attacking Dane Cook - whose success is resented and hated, but whose act can only be considered mean/evil/crass/mercenary and not just straight out inexplicable.

This example, Garfield as Dane Cook, is to distinguish these artists from those who achieve opprobrium for being straight out insults to existence - i.e. they are so unfunny/untalented that it's insane they are still being published/paid. So, in comics, the go to example is often Marmaduke. Which I'm fine with, but it's not so exclusive - the comics page is clogged with strips who have the equivalent of tenure: creative thinkers who may have been productive once, but who have been ossified into obsolescence by the passage of time: Hagar, B.C., Broom Hilda, Hi and Lois, Beetle Bailey, etc.

Who's the stand-up comic equivalent of Marmaduke? Maybe Jay Leno? It's harder to find a comparison, because standup is the most brutal art form there is and has no tolerance for coasters. Maybe Robin Williams has become Marmaduke - except that when Robin was young (and, sad to say, coked out the wazoo) he was the funniest on stage. Wow was he good. I can't imagine Marmaduke was ever good.

This brings up another fascinating point, alluded to above: most of those who attack Garfield don't read the current strip. People just *know* that it's an acceptable bashing-body. How do we know this type of thing. I'm sure, as a half-sociologist, I should know the phrases/reasons, oops.

But it's sort of how I just know that I, as a late-30s male, am supposed to (a) be preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse, (b) hate clowns, and (c) mock Twitter and Facebook. So too, people know that you're supposed to mock Garfield. I probably would too, if I didn't actually read comics.

Top 5 Reasons to Make Aliyah

5. The dream of 2000 years has finally been fulfilled

4. Married to a Gush guy

3. Pesky Cossaks

2. Am a Jew born in any country besides Israel or U.S.

1. Want to avoid three-day yuntif

Dave Barry and Bob Graham

As you know, my man Dave Barry has stopped writing a weekly column and has spent the past few years writing children's novels of unknown worth and following his wife to sports events. But, like with Calvin & Hobbes in newspapers, the powers that be have been reprinting old Dave columns. Most I've read already but sometimes we get lucky and there's a 'new' (meaning so old that it wasn't published in any of his books) column. So it was a week ago when I was able to read a 1983 interview between Dave and then FL Gov. Bob Graham (D).

I advise reading the whole column, but suffice it to say that Graham is possibly the sharpest politician I've seen interviewed, based on his extraordinarily swift wit. Mario Cuomo struck me as sharp and funny but just read this amazing interchange, which Dave swears actually happened, and was not pre-planned:

BARRY: What can the state do about harmonica safety? I don't know if you have any idea how many Floridians die every year in harmonica accidents....

GRAHAM: Well last year we actually made some substantial improvement. In 1981, there were four people who died of harmonica accidents. Now actually, I think it's only fair to count three of them, because the fourth one was actually, I would say it was more of a swimming-pool accident. He was playing the harmonica in the swimming pool and actually jumped off the shallow end, hit his head, and we don't know whether it was the fact that he swallowed the harmonica, or the brain damage. They counted it as a harmonica accident. Now, this year, or 1982, the last year for which we have statistics, we only had two harmonica accidents. I think it was the result of the public-service ads that I did....

BARRY: The Harmonica Safety Day I think was a wonderful....

GRAHAM: ...and we built it around the theme that if you want to play Dixie, it's fine, but don't do it in front of the air- conditioning duct, because that's where we found that most of the deaths occurred. It was the vacuum that was created.

BARRY: This leads us pretty much directly to toads. I've been staying at a house in Broward County, and there are, every morning out on the patio, toads the size of mailboxes. What can we do?

Just to 'fact-check', I searched to find if there really had been a Harmonica Safety Day. Nope. Gadzooks, what a guy!

I remember when he ran for president in 2004 and now I'm even angrier that he didn't make any headway. If he had run instead of John "Choke" Kerry?! Think about it: a sharp, savvy, popular Governor and Senator from Florida who opposed the Iraq War! Grrr.

Pic from this completely unrelated site.

Video of the Day: A-Ha Family Guy

My brother reminded me of this, one of my favorite examples of the great moments the Family Guy is capable of (amidst the majority of unwatchable-ness):


I Dooon't Knoooow?!

Update: For the original video (for people like my wife who've never seen what may be the best video of all time)

Picture of the Day: Clown Meat

Just roaming through the demotivational posters online. Came across a total win:

More Videos

My search for the Swayze obit video uncovered these two great, hall of fame, skits from SNL - (1) The debut of Chris Farley's "Matt Foley", (2) the commercial for "Bad Idea Jeans" (look how young, and/or alive, those guys were! [tear]):







Backpost finished on 2009-11-20.

Video of the Day: Texas Secession

My brother sent me this youtube clip about Texas' most recent plan to secede from the Union. A grateful nation thanks the dude who made this clip.

Jewish Demography Joke

I'm taking a class in the methodology of quantitative sociology with a specific focus on the American Jewish commnuity. Today's class was about the "Jewish family" and family size, pregnancies, etc. This reminded me of one of my favorite modern Orthodox Jewish humor pieces, from the mischievous clowns of Bang-It-Out:

Teenage Pregnancies on Rise in the Frum Community

Groundhog bites hand of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg

Found on Haaretz, but from the AP:

Everyone knows it means six more weeks of winter when a groundhog sees his shadow. But what does the future hold if he bites the mayor's hand?

According to German superstition, if a hibernating animal casts a shadow on Feb. 2 - the Christian holiday of Candlemas - winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow was seen, legend said spring would come early.

Staten Island's famous groundhog, Charles G. Hogg, inexplicably bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg during his annual holiday ceremony on Monday, drawing blood from the billionaire.

Said Bloomberg spokesman Stu Loeser: "It nicked his hand."

He was told there was no risk of rabies. The 2-year-old animal was born and raised in captivity and has had no interaction with other animals.

Demotivator: Sense of Humor

OK, based on the previous post, I've decided to make my own poster. And, yeah, it stinks. But rather than be truly funny, I decided to highlight a crucial quote by my Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Ahron Lichtenstein about the need for a sense of humor. I've heard the quote by a few people, but the precise wording for the poster comes from the Funniest Rabbi in the World, Rabbi Fleischmann: "I don't know if it's my Western influence or a true Jewish value, but I know that if I'm around someone who lacks a sense of humor I feel very uncomfortable."

This poster features the best no-sense-of-humor icon, the profoundly unfunny Frank Grimes of the inexplicably well-regarded Simpsons' episode "Homer's Enemy."

I'll try to do better.

P.S. In case it's not clear from the above, I hate the "Homer's Enemy" episode and it disturbs me greatly that it is considered great by Matt Groening himself. That Ricky Gervais, of the equally unfunny Office (UK) TV Show, likes the episode makes perfect sense. Yeah, humor is all about taste, and clearly some people find making people uncomfortable (cf. The Office, What About Bob, Andy Kaufman) funny. Instead of funny, I call those people "jerks."

Make Your Own Demotivator

Here's one device to make your own de-motivation poster. This genre of humor is one of my very favorites. It's got the right combination of art, humor, and tar-black cynicism. A few choice examples:

Onion's Bush: Conclusion

As I said here, the Onion has been printing over the past few weeks humorous - yet disgusting - stories of Bush being horribly, painfully maimed. My theory was that the Onion writers hate Bush as much as I do and realize that to write about his death may be treasonous, but there should be nothing to alarm the Secret Service if you etch a jocular tale of Bush having his testicles eaten by a crocodile... leaving the 43rd President in castrated pain.

So the series seems to have come to an end today; and proving my analysis correct, the last entry in this series is the death of Bush - achieved when it's no longer (possibly) illegal to write as such.

See the last 4 here:

Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall
December 8, 2008 | Issue 44•50
WASHINGTON — President George W. Bush sustained a perforation injury to his right eyelid when a pneumatic nail gun malfunctioned and shot a 12-centimeter-long iron nail that entered Bush's superonasal sclera, exited through his upper eyelid, and then penetraed the wall of the White House Blue Room. The president remained pinned to the wall for a period of 27 hours before help arrived. According to witnesses, Bush was found passed out with blood dripping from his right tear duct. Doctors confirmed that the intraocular foreign body was removed during a four-hour operation Sunday, and reported significant damage to Bush's supratrochlear nerve, likely caused by the president's unsuccessful attempt to forcibly rip his eyelid in half to escape. It is unclear whether he will ever regain sight in his right eye. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Single-Engine Cessna Crashes Into Bush
January 6, 2009 | Issue 45•02
CAMP DAVID, MD—The Federal Aviation Administration said engine failure was to blame for a pilot losing control of a four-seater Cessna aircraft that crashed head-on into President Bush Thursday. According to the FAA report, the nose of the Cessna 350 impacted with the president's face at 110 mph, instantly killing pilot James Morris, 45. Bush reportedly suffered third-degree burns on 95 percent of his body, a broken spine, 20 shattered ribs, one collapsed lung, a basilar skull fracture, and minor leakage of cerebrospinal fluid. Bush, who had been hiking alone in an isolated region of the 125-acre presidential retreat before the accident, was trapped under the burning engine block for 45 minutes before rescue crews reached the crash site. While doctors said they worked swiftly to remove the smoldering wreckage from the president's body, much of the plane's burning debris had already fused to his skeleton before he could be airlifted from the scene. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Spider Eggs Hatch In Bush's Brain
January 14, 2009 | Issue 45•03
WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed to the floor of the Oval Office during a meeting with advisers when spiderlings hatched from thousands of egg sacs affixed between the hemispheres of his brain, according to a White House memo released Monday. The spiders severed the president's corpus callosum and ate through the motor-control center of the brain, doctors said, causing Bush's body to jerk involuntarily as a scurrying mass of crab spiders emerged from his mouth and crawled down his face. Witnesses confirmed that a number of spiders also discharged from the president's tear ducts. Secret Service agents restrained the president and carried him to the White House medical facility, but doctors said that by the time Bush arrived, the arachnids had already consumed his corneas, pupils, and vitreous humor. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Bush Dies Peacefully In His Sleep
January 20, 2009 | Issue 45•04
WASHINGTON—George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States of America, passed away painlessly in his sleep Monday night, White House sources confirmed. The 62-year-old Bush was reportedly discovered lying unresponsive in his bed by first lady Laura Bush, a gentle smile still on his lips. "It was as though he knew it was his time to go," said longtime family physician Dr. Harold Ditmas, who pronounced the president dead of natural causes at 7:24 a.m. Plans for Bush's funeral have been postponed indefinitely following an unexpected incident in which the president's corpse was sucked through an Air Force One jet engine.

Dept. Head Rawlings

Yes! How could I have missed it, my favorite Onion dude is back!

See here for more.

The Onion and the Jews

Wondeful: Thursday, September 18, 2008 Jewish voters in two states have reported they were asked leading questions during a phone survey intended to discredit Barack Obama and sway their opinion. What do you think?

Ryan Keegan, Machinist: "And right in the middle of Elul, too, when Jews are at their most suggestible."

Ron Gust, Housekeeper: "I'm more concerned by the implication that Republicans carry around a list of Jews."

Amy Powell, Human Resources Manager: "I always forget: What are the two states that have Jews again?"

Poem of the Day

From the genius, Ogden Nash:

The Cow

The cow is of the bovine ilk.
One end is moo, the other, milk.

Satire Compare and Contrast

Everyone's agog over the New Yorker cover which depicts the biggest smears against the Obamas. I was holding off from writing about it on the blog until I got my copy so I could see the title of the piece, which is "The Politics of Fear." As such, the cover isn't as tasteless as it first appeared. It's just stupid. Or, to put a specific term to it, it is a botched joke. And like other recent botched jokes (cf. John Kerry in 2006, Don Imus, or even Michael Richards) the fact that you WANTED to be funny, doesn't exonerate you from actually not being funny.

A botched joke isn't bad, many comedians suffer through them, but when the subject of the joke is a taboo (Kerry: Democrats talking about soldiers; Imus & Richards: whites about blacks), then the botched-ness shows a maladroitness in not only delivery but in judgement. Taboo humor is like live ammunition. Leave it to the professionals.

Speaking of professionals, compare the cover of the New Yorker to Jib-Jab's latest on the campaign (from Slate). Jib-Jab goes even further into taboo territory than the NYer, but because its so skillfully done, the jokes work:



Pic nicked from gawker.

Lit 101 Class in Three Lines or Less.

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Lit 101 Class in Three Lines or Less. by Ben Joseph

1984

WINSTON: Don't tell the Party, but sex is way better than totalitarianism.
EVERYONE: Surprise! We're the Party.
WINSTON: Oh, rats.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.
THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.
C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?
DEVIL: They're really more like guidelines.
GOD: Incorrect.

Moby-Dick

ISHMAEL: I'm existential.
AHAB: Really? Try vengeance.
ISHMAEL: I dig this dynamic. Can we drag it out for 600 pages?

The Great Gatsby

NICK: I love being rich and white.
GATSBY: Me, too, but I'd kill for the love of a woman.
DAISY: We can work with that.

Oliver Twist

OLIVER: Poverty ain't so bad, what with all the Cockney accents and charming musical interludes.
ME: Thanks to movies, no books were read in the passing of this class.
PROFESSOR WATERMAN: You're half right.

h/t Sullivan. Pic from McSweeny's page, cropped by me. Backpost finished 2009-11-30.

The Top 50 Comedy Sketches

As an expert on comedy (OK, I know, who isn't), I resent the idea that a bunch of internet doofuses would put toegther a list of definite 'greatest comedy sketches of all time.' And like all of these committee driven lists, they have a mandate to include groups & shows that I hate (Kids in the Hall, French & Saunders, Upright Citizens Brigade). However. There are some totally hilarious things I've never seen before. I was shrieking over #48. And I'm still looking... So I thank these anonymous malcontents for their contribution.

h/t: Sullivan.

Bruce Lee Films

By gender and age, I've been genetically and culturally determined to like Bruce Lee movies. Can't help it - genes and breeding make me want to see talented beat-downs with absurd sound-effects.

Sadly, Lee died after making 1 American movie, the iconic "Enter the Dragon" (which is must seeing for anybody who wants to understand Kung Fu references afterward; it's the martial arts cognate to Planet of the Apes). If you don't understand why a movie/story hero needs to go to a distant island to compete in a tournament in front of a disfigured mastermind (e.g. Mortal Kombat, or The Quest (1996), or Balls of Fury, or this awesome Onion article, and many others [has someone made a list?]) see the movie. Also it allows you to understand spoof that makes the majority of Kentucky Fried Movie.

OK, all that said, I've been searching Netflix for other Bruce Lee films. Sadly, it appears that any non-American movie he made doesn't match the quality of EtD. I rented Fists of Fury (note, there's a whole weirdness about Chinese titles - which were largely interchangeable - and how they were translated, as it is with this film, but whatever) and it's pretty bad.

How bad? Well see this listed "goof" on the IMDB page. I'm not making this goof up, and it's probably the best goof I've ever read: Tang shan da xiong (1971) - Goofs:

Revealing mistakes: When the guard dogs leap at Cheng, they are obviously thrown.

'Obviously thrown'? Oy.

Backpost finished 2009-11-30.